Silence

Foolishness

2008-02-16T13:55:00.002+01:00

Growing up, I always considered the accusation of naivety to be one of the worst insults, but now I am having second thoughts. Perhaps life without a little naivety isn't really lived. If we would always follow logic, how could we experience all those things that take a leap of faith? Life is full of risks, and to take them we need hope - which is nothing but believing in a long shot.

Living is believing, trusting people, taking chances, surrendering to love, chasing dreams. In life, we'd better all be fools.

When you're out of sight

2007-12-17T19:02:00.000+01:00

Under this national rain cloud
I'm getting soaked to the skin
Trying to find my umbrella
But I don't know where to begin

And it's simply irrational weather
Can't even hear myself think
Constantly bailing out water
But still feel like I'm gonna sink

'Cause I'm under the weather
Just like the world
And I need somebody to hold
When I turn out the light
You're out of sight
Although I know that I'm not alone
Feels like home

- "Under the Weather", KT Tunstall

This song reminds me of those days that are tough without a reason. Days during which I feel a little sad, a bit insecure, somewhat 'under the weather' - emotionally speaking. I take it we all have days like that. Personally I've noticed this feeling is often accompanied by a rather desperate need of acknowledgement and attention. I know there are plenty of people who are there for me, but I'd just like a little proof - right at that very moment.

But when I'm feeling down it's hard to chase off the sense of loneliness. Nobody starts a conversation with me. I look at my phone but I can't make it ring. People's replies seem short-spoken somehow. Are they starting to dislike me? Have they noticed how I need their kindness and care, how pathetic I really am? I can't help but to think it.

"Hey, d'you still like me a bit?"

Of course the last thing you should do is beg for it. But an itch demands a scratch. "Why wouldn't I?", he asks. As casually as possible I reply I'm just checking. The concise judgement; "Well, I still like you."

Right. Let me explain, men and other rational creatures, what the secret message behind the phrase "Just checking" is in this particular situation. It means, I need you to tell me that you miss me, that you wish I was in love with you, that I'm important to you, that you want to cuddle me, and that I have no reason whatsoever to doubt that you will always be there for me. Something heartwarming. It has all been said before, but I need to hear it now.

Friends, suitors, drinking buddy with your flattering text messages in the middle of your drunken night... will you be merciful and give me a kind word today?

Butterflies

2007-11-23T15:28:00.000+01:00

Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity. - Henry Bromell

The butterflies of infatuation can be deceiving little rascals. I am tempted to believe it is the only way I've known them so far. If love is blind, having a crush on someone is losing your senses completely - making me feel very much impressed about someone who's really not that wonderful at all, but actually rather plain, or worse. And I can only see it afterwards, at which point I thank the heavens above for being completely unable to seduce men at the snap of my fingers.

I dislike being unsettled in such a way. To me, this thing we call 'falling in love' (for lack of a better expression) is meaningless and silly, consumes all my attention, and always seems to be heading for disappointment. At one point I just had enough. Well, it wasn't the first time I realized that, but suddenly something odd happened. It stopped.

I have to admit that being in control of my butterflies is great in many respects. But it also gives rise to a somewhat peculiar situation; feeling deep affection for someone but not being 'in love'. Everything is like it's supposed to be, but the feeling is different. Not less than what it should be, just different. Why don't I just fall in love, you ask. And I wish I could be completely deluded, as blind as a bat again.

Nothing beats losing

2007-11-21T12:09:00.000+01:00

Often it's hard to fully realize what you have until you lose it. As long as life is going smoothly you're never forced to stop and think about it, but when life gets tough you remember how easy it used to be. I try to realize how lucky I am, though, to appreciate the good things that come across my path. But nothing beats losing.

Something good was there for the taking, but I was not quite sure if I wanted it. So I doubted, and postponed making a decision. But right after the very moment I did decide to go for the gold, it all started to fall apart. I did decide, didn't I, or is that just what it seems like in retrospective? At times I only want something when I am about to lose the possibility of gaining it, as I see the last bit of light peeping through the closing door.What is beyond my reach attracts me more; the pattern repeats itself.

Life can be unyielding. You struggle with it, you try to bend it your way, but it just won't. As if everything is conspiring against you. Some believe that when you really want something, life will help you get it. At the moment it feels like the opposite is true.

I can't have it, so I want it back. Maybe that doesn't classify as real desire.

An open book

2007-11-10T17:19:00.000+01:00

A few days ago I met a man who knew all kinds of things about me. We had never talked before, but simply by interpreting my body language he was able to pinpoint my key character traits. I knew myself quite well, he said. If I tried my best I could really get somewhere. Then he pointed to some boys and a young woman near by and told me what the differences were between myself and those people. "You are happier than most people here in this pub," he said, "why is that?"

The whole conversation was quite remarkable, and it would have been creepy if I wouldn't have felt like I'd known him for ages. This man wasn't some obscure oddball. In fact, he was a rather imposing big black man who'd been a high-up in some company, before quiting his job eight months ago to become a stay-at-home dad. "Reading" people had been very important in his former function, he explained. I was amazed all the same.

Perhaps we are less mysterious to the outside world than we tend to think; we communicate subconsciously by sending out all sorts of non-verbal signals. But few of us are able to pick up these signs in such an effective manner.

The evolution of consciousness

2007-11-03T11:21:00.000+01:00

Usually, though not always, complex things develop out of simple things. Some branches of life developed a nervous system, then a brain, and at some point some brains were complex enough to develop the notion of an inner world. They were able to process more information than necessary for their survival. The increased chance of survival would have been the cause for their increased brain capacity. To be able to answer the question “How do I get my next meal?” in the best way possible is very useful in surviving. And surviving means that the genes responsible for those superb problem-solving skills have a chance to be passed on to the next generation.

But being able to ask yourself “Who am I?” and “What is this consciousness thing anyway?” does not increase your chance of survival. Seen from the perspective of evolution, this form of reflective thought is an utterly useless byproduct of the complex brain. Yet we cannot help but to seek answers to our questions. To solve problems is in our genes, it has always been rewarded. In need of answers, we developed our philosophies, religions, and indeed science. I am not trying to say that these, and many other products of the human mind - tradition, art, modern society - are meaningless or redundant. They are unique and valuable. What we tend to forget is that worth is a subjective, human notion.

Evolution is just simple logic; the organisms best fit for survival and reproduction pass on the genes that made them that way. There is nothing valuable about natural selection, no good or bad results, no direction. Just logic. Therefore, I will not assert that finding your next meal is more important than finding the answer to the question of what consciousness is all about. Just that the success rate is higher.

Buddha and Dylan

2007-11-02T19:48:00.000+01:00

According to an important Buddhist scripure, the Dhammapada, on one occasion the Buddha spoke: "Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think."

Twenty-five hundred years later, in a 2005 interview on US newsmagazine 60 Minutes, Bob Dylan said: "The picture you have in your mind of what you're about, will come true."

In many ways, people from different countries, cultures, and times think very much alike.

Blog no. 2

2007-10-27T16:13:00.000+02:00

As from today, Silence has a baby sister. This doesn't mean that Silence is coming to an end of course, there is simply a difference in the style and choice of subjects between the two blogs. Getjilp ('chirping') will be less philosophical, more down-to-earth - hence the grass - and written in Dutch. Anyone is welcome to read and comment.

Waves

2007-10-24T15:06:00.000+02:00

The last few months I have been following my first philosophy class, on theories of consciousness in Eastern and Western thought. In order to define the essence of consciousness, many questions need answering, such as:

What is the relationship of consciousness to thought?
Can consciousness itself ever be known?
Does consciousness mirror reality, or does it create reality?
Where and how does consciousness arise?
What is a person, how is the self related to consciousness?

At the end of the course I wrote an essay regarding my own point of view on the subject. The thing is, I have only a very vague opinion about the subject, and personally I don't mind keeping it that way. My answer to the questions above have little meaning, since there are numerous other explanations as valid as mine. But as I was writing the essay, I did form a theory about consciousness and the self. I used the metaphor of an ocean to describe what consciousness might be like (it was only afterwards that I stumbled on similar, though not identical metaphors on the internet) and I noticed that this image gave rise to some interesting ideas. Just a little thought experiment - the following is an excerpt from my essay.

What is the relationship of consciousness to thought? Descartes and others thought that consciousness underlies thought, as if it is the stage on which plays are performed. But perhaps thought does not need to occur on a substrate. I am more inclined to agree with the so-called mosaic model, the view that consciousness does not differ from thought, but instead is built up of thought. Without thought, there would be no consciousness at all. I must add, however, that I do believe one can be conscious without consciously thinking - the concept of consciousness must include a state of no-thought. In such a state, there is no complete absence of thought, but one would not experience actual individual ideas and emotions. Thought would be undifferentiated and calm, as an ocean without waves.

In investigating the true nature of consciousness, one of the first questions that should be posed is whether it is even possible to succeed in this aim or not - a question related to the one I have brought up in the introduction of this paper. If consciousness underlies thought, how can one know it? Knowing is an ability of the mind, which would be absent during the state of pure consciousness. The stage would be empty, the actors no longer present to contemplate what is beneath their feet. However, if we assume that consciousness is the sum of all thoughts (conscious and subconscious), the question is wether or not knowing can know itself. I will not set this possibility aside, but it would require thought to be like the still ocean. As there would be no active thoughts one could only know one’s pure consciousness subconsciously. When we think about ourselves, we think about the waves breaking on the shore. This is only a small part of our self, of the consciousness that we are, but it is the only part that we consciously know.

In this metaphor of consciousness, conscious thought is symbolized by waves breaking on the shore. Reality itself is the cause of these waves at the edge of our consciousness, and influences their behavior. One could say that this narrow strip of active consciousness mirrors reality, but it does not directly observe it. Reality stretches out far beyond the coast, to lands the ocean will never be able to conquer.

I don't need anyone, part 2

2007-10-21T16:49:00.000+02:00

We are lucky in many ways, and we know it. Of course we know it. But isn't it hard to really feel it? The gratitude. In the words of Aldous Huxley, most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted. Most of us have never been crippled, or blind, or deaf. When we were young our parents told us to clean our plates, because "the poor orphans in Africa have nothing to eat at all". Broccoli! Spinach! They'd be over the moon.

On the one hand one could say we don't compare ourselves to other people enough because in general we don't seem to realize how lucky we are. On the other hand we compare ourselves to others way too much. Often I feel it's not enough to be good. If I would get, say, a 60% score on a test, the score of the other participants would matter to me. If everybody else fails with very low scores I'd feel lucky to have passed. If the majority gets much higher scores than me, I'd feel dissapointed. I don't just want to be good enough. I want to be better. Why?

I've also noticed that whatever is beyond my reach attracts me more. For some reason, sometimes it's not enough to have one good thing if the next thing is out of reach. Sometimes it even feels bad if I can't have something I don't want in the first place. Sometimes I just want to have what they have. To have something that satisfies their standards, not just mine. Sometimes I want to impress people who's opinion doesn't really matter. And sometimes I'm just jealous. I am deeply ashamed to admit it, but those are my weaknesses. Hold it against me if you want.

I see what I have. I see which choices are right for me and what I ought to want. I know it... but sometimes I just don't feel it. I guess I do have my disadvantages after all.

I don't need anyone, part 1

2007-10-21T15:40:00.000+02:00

Ernst van der Pasch is a Dutch cabaret artist. The following lyrics are his - the song is called 'Ik Heb Niemand Nodig' and can be downloaded here. It's not very amusing (I like Ernst's show although I do not find it very humorous) but rather very serious and profound. I'd like to use this song as an introduction to my next post, and I'd also like to recommend the other work of Ernst van der Pasch to any Dutch visitors.

Ik heb geen manke nodig om te weten dat ik kan lopen
Geen blinde om te weten dat ik kan zien
Zonder hopeloze kan ik hopen
Ik heb niemand nodig
Hooguit jou misschien

I don't need a cripple to know that I can walk
Don't need a blind man to know I can see
Without someone hopeless I can hope
I don't need anyone
You at most, perhaps

Een dove man verstaat me niet
Een vrijgezel verlaat me niet
En door een gek weet ik nog niet meer dan ik weet
Een zwerver maakt mijn huis niet groot
Een dode vriend laat mij de dood niet beter begrijpen dan ik zonder hem al deed

A deaf man doesn't hear me
A single won't leave me
I do not know more than I know because of a madman
I don't have a big house because of a homeless person
Because of a death friend I do not understand death better than I already did

Ik heb geen zin meer om te kijken naar de zwakken
Om te zien hoe goed het met me gaat
Waarom zou ik mij nog laten zakken
Waarom zou ik als nu blijkt
Dat er niets boven me meer staat

I don't feel like looking at the weak anymore
Just to see how well I'm doing
Why would I lower myself any longer
Why would I when it turns out
That there is nothing above me anymore

Bright world

2007-10-14T17:01:00.000+02:00

A delicate autumn day in October. In the afternoon, some sunshine started to break through the clouds above south Amsterdam. Very modestly, as befits autumn sunshine. The avenue that connects the university grounds to the student district was lying peacefully beneath four rows of impressively large trees, dropping their leaves one by one. No hurries. Metro trains whooshed by every few minutes, but in a very modest way.

Somewhere along the east side of this avenue we found a park of humble proportions. I would say it was about 600 metres in length, fit for a short stroll. At the other end we sat ourselves down on a bench, next to a fairly unmoving and old lady, and discussed the many great and small questions of life. Where cinnamon comes from. How Bonobos solve all their problems. Why big birds tend to be mean. How ethical it would be to name your child after a Sesame Street character. You see, Big Bird is not only light blue in the Netherlands, he's also called Pino. And no, that wouldn't be very ethical.

I picked up one of the hundreds of fallen leaves lying at our feet and held it to the sunlight. A thin leaf with a fine network of veins and an incredibly warm tone of orange brown, perhaps only hours away from curling up and shriveling. And we just looked at that little leaf together, amazed about the arrangement of veins nature had been able to design. Millions of years of evolution, of trial and error, of natural selection on tens of thousands of generations, resulting in the pattern on this unassuming little leaf. Nature may never before have found such an efficient way to distribute plant juices evenly across a flat surface.

Many things need time to fully blossom. Plants need sunlight, water, nutrients. Some things feel right from the start. But perhaps it'll only get better.

Cogito ergo sum

2007-09-25T17:51:00.000+02:00

Meditation II: On the Nature of the Human Mind is part of Meditations on First Philosophy, a philosophical treatise by René Descartes published in 1641. I read this short text a few days ago because I am participating in a philosophy course about the subject of consciousness. After reading some extensive and, to my humble eye, rather vague discussions regarding Vedic philosophies of Hinduism - not my piece of cake - I was struck by the clarity of Descartes' writing. Some excerpts.

"I suppose, accordingly, that all the things which I see are false (fictitious); I believe that none of those objects which my fallacious memory represents ever existed; I suppose that I possess no senses; I believe that body, figure, extension, motion, and place are merely fictions of my mind. What is there, then, that can be esteemed true ? Perhaps this only, that there is absolutely nothing certain."

"But [as to myself, what can I now say that I am], since I suppose there exists an extremely powerful, and, if I may so speak, malignant being, whose whole endeavors are directed toward deceiving me ? Can I affirm that I possess any one of all those attributes of which I have lately spoken as belonging to the nature of body ? After attentively considering them in my own mind, I find none of them that can properly be said to belong to myself. To recount them were idle and tedious. Let us pass, then, to the attributes of the soul. The first mentioned were the powers of nutrition and walking; but, if it be true that I have no body, it is true likewise that I am capable neither of walking nor of being nourished. Perception is another attribute of the soul; but perception too is impossible without the body; besides, I have frequently, during sleep, believed that I perceived objects which I afterward observed I did not in reality perceive. Thinking is another attribute of the soul; and here I discover what properly belongs to myself. This alone is inseparable from me. I am--I exist: this is certain; but how often? As often as I think; for perhaps it would even happen, if I should wholly cease to think, that I should at the same time altogether cease to be. I now admit nothing that is not necessarily true. I am therefore, precisely speaking, only a thinking thing, that is, a mind (mens sive animus), understanding, or reason, terms whose signification was before unknown to me. I am, however, a real thing, and really existent; but what thing? The answer was, a thinking thing."

And the Wachowski brothers were inspired. Strikingly, at one point Descartes even writes, "and yet what do I see from the window beyond hats and cloaks that might cover artificial machines, whose motions might be determined by springs?" And indeed, what do we see? What do we really know? The question and its answer are simple and clear, but nevertheless 'greatly disconcerting' - or at least, that is how the great philosopher felt.

Read the whole Meditation here.

A common identity

2007-09-22T14:32:00.000+02:00

I fell in love with the sweet sensation
I gave my heart to a simple chord
I gave my soul to a new religion
Whatever happened to you?
- "Whatever Happened to My Rock 'n Roll?", Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

For centuries, the identity developed by adolescents was solely influenced by their families and the communities they lived in. Their values - their entire life - was shaped by their family's class, religion and age-old culture. Children were tought to be like their parents. It was really not that long ago that young people started to share their beliefs and ideals with other young people. Social movements became the new ideologies and defined new cultures. Flower power, Generation X. You name them.

Let's take a look at Western society today. How can we define the current youth culture? When I discussed this subject with some fellow students, somebody suggested that we would only be able to say afterwards - because we do not have any references for comparison. But on the other hand, other generations do. Our philosophy teacher grew up in the sixties and was happy to give her opinion. She says (and I agree with her) that she doesn't recognize any common identity in today's young people. This in contrast to the time when she was our age.

If there was one common characteristic I had to attribute to 'my generation', it would be individualism. Its not just that we're all very much concerned with ourselves (as are most people), we also search for answers by ourselves. We construct our own ideologies, values and religions, combining whatever fits us best. At the same time, there does seem to be a desire to share our identity with others, to be part of a group. But apparently this desire is not strong enough to produce more than small-scale, temporary hypes. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't go as far as to say identity has become subject to fashion. If Buddhism or youth churches gain popularity, the idea obviously reaches more people, who might 'try it out'. But how often do we find what we're looking for, and stick to it?

Most of us - not just young people, but a very large group of people of all ages today - will probably never completely call off the search. We have become seekers. Maybe that's the defining common factor. We are free to choose, but can't seem to find the right choice. We are all essentially looking for the same thing, but our search is nevertheless a lonely one.

"Do you think the time of massive social movements will ever come back?", one of her students asks. She shakes her head and smiles. "No", she says. "It'll never be like the sixties again."

A tree and a human mind

2007-09-05T19:40:00.000+02:00

Ever since man learned to see more than his eyes perceived, he has given sacred meanings to natural phenomena. This tree in the Tsavo National Park in Kenya - the so-called Tree of Life - is a beautiful example. In a forest of a thousand trees, none seems particularly significant. But one solitary tree surviving on a dry African plain becomes a symbol. Of persistence and strength, of merciful shade in the midst of a sundrenched world, and any other meaning you may wish to give it. The symbolism is not so much about the tree as it is about the human mind. I see a tree, but I can also see a connection between earth and sky, between being firmly rooted and reaching for the heavens at the same time. I can see an organism that is part of something bigger, of a whole ecosystem. It breathes out what we breathe in. Something as complex and inspiring as it is common. A place to sit for the birds.

As good as it gets

2007-08-23T12:09:00.000+02:00

In a bus shelter on a Wednesday morning, 2 a.m.

Tell me something. We never really talk about anything.
- What do you want to know?
Well, I don't mean... facts or anything.
- You mean, like, feelings?
Yeah.
- Well, I guess that lately I've been feeling that my life doesn't serve much of a purpose. It's just not going anywhere at the moment. Nothing matters. And maybe that's a good thing, if nothing matters it doesn't matter, but...
I think it's a bad thing. You don't seem too happy with it.
- It's just not going anywhere.
But that's just in your head, right?
- ...
You can't just sit around waiting for something to come into your life and make it better, make you happy. It's in your head. You change it. Right?

By that time, my brain refused to cooperate any further. I spend minutes waiting for it to produce another thought, any thought, but there was only the vague longing for a warm bed. I went home and eleven hours of blissful sleep later, it occurred to me what I was trying to say.

Boy, you're waisting your time.

You're, say, twenty years old? A young man who doesn't look too bad, with a strong and healthy body, not missing any essential limbs or anything. Not missing any limbs whatsoever, actually. Obviously your brain works just fine too, you're studying, thinking of your future, getting somewhere. You have friends and family to support you. You're not an orphan. You're not poor. You live in one of the most prosperous and stable countries in the world. Public health care and all that. You don't have to fight, you don't have to live in fear, you never have to feel hungry. You're not blind or deaf or illiterate. You have talents and you have been given the opportunity to use and develop them. Are you getting my drift? Because I could go on like this for hours.

That's you. That's both of us. How many of those 6.6 billion other people are as lucky as we are? Not that much. Millions of people wish they were in our shoes. For us it's just everyday life. We don't think about our luck. We're not as happy as we should be.

And you might not like to hear this, but this may be as good as it'll ever get in your life. I know you want tomorrow to be even better, which is a good thing to strive for, but you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Even if you know exactly what you are waiting for - I doubt you do - and even if this thing is certain to make a substantial difference in your life - it probably won't - you're still waisting your time. Tomorrow, a truck driver might ignore a red traffic light and splatter your brains all over the asphalt. Crude, but true.

Your life may never get any better than it is right now. Just stop and think about that for a second.

Or you might die seventy years from now, and your life may get better and better all the time. But still, you can live every day only once. The seconds are seeping away right now, you'll never get them back. So it might be a good idea to ask yourself what you really want to do today. And more importantly, how you want to feel today.

It's all in your head.

Paper cut-out people

2007-08-09T10:40:00.000+02:00

On how many pictures taken by strangers do you occur, accidentally, a passer-by? How many thoughts have been thought about you, concerning you specifically, by people that do not know you? How many of them have cursed you, admired you, laughed at you? How many glances have you missed, how many stares have you failed to notice?

Every day you leave your home, you appear in the background of the lives of hundreds of people, for just a short moment of time. They notice you - only seconds before they forget you again.

The fact that I exist in other people's lives and thoughts is something I have never truly realized. Seen from the centre of the world, strangers are no more than paper cut-outs, their minds silent, disappearing as soon as they're out of our sight. And me? In the eyes of millions, I am just another stranger.

Funny, Dark, Iconoclastic

2007-07-20T18:00:00.000+02:00

Coparck is a Dutch rock band from Amsterdam. I don't know if you can get a hold of their music, but it's worth the try. The lyrics sound like poetry. The following is an excerpt from one of my favorites, a song called 'Funny, Dark, Iconoclastic.' Also check out the official website here - it contains some soundclips, too, and superb videoclips.

Funny, dark, iconoclastic / Gain the world but loose the soul / Accurate forecasts, he wore a shirt with / Nostradamus says, hell / I told you / ... / so/

Glowing, gleaming, awesome splendour/I guess it's time to let things go/In former years I used to be quite indecisive but now/I'm not so/.../sure/

Needs and wants

2007-07-14T14:21:00.000+02:00

Needs are simple. Fulfill them and you're alright. Fail in doing so, and you're toast. Either it's good or it isn't.

Dreams, wishes, desires - funny things. It's funny how we need them to give us meaning, goals, motivation, hope, something to be obsessed with. It's funny how we keep believing that achieving them brings satisfaction. We can't help ourselves, even though life proves us wrong time and again. And again. And again. Think of everything you wanted, and got eventually - wether it involved hard work, luck, or a bit of both. The exams you passed. The iPod you bought. Attention. Everything that has been a step in the right direction, the direction you want. With every achievement and every stroke of luck, we should be feeling happier. If only just a little bit. But do you really feel the difference?

People who win millions of dollars in the lottery do not get happier. They experience what we all experience when we get what we want - joy. The funny thing about joy is that it doesn't last. People who win the lottery may feel great for a week or two, but in the long term they become less happy than they were before they won their prize - in spite of all the iPods, cars and private islands they buy. You want it, you get it, you have it. There's no challenge.

It's funny how we need desires, to want what we don't have, or can't get. Because if there's nothing left to wish for anymore, we might as well give up. That's why we keep fooling ourselves, I guess. We need to be able to strive for more, however unhappy it makes us.

Something, anything

2007-07-06T20:02:00.000+02:00

A riddle. You could settle for something good, and get it right now, guaranteed. Or you could wait for something that might be better, although there is a very real possibility you might not get it at all. You can't look into the future, and you don't experience any gut feeling whatsoever. Which is the better option?

People and making decisions, it seems to be a love-hate relationship. Choice isn't just about freedom and getting what you want; by making a decision you always miss out on something. You gain, you lose. Your money or your life.You enjoy the apple pie, but don't get to taste the blueberry cake. Regret may accompany every choice, if only because you can't help but wondering how the other option might have turned out. On the other hand, not deciding gets you nothing. And if every option is an improvement, shouldn't you be glad for having a choice in the first place? No, of course not. We don't just want something better, we want the best we can get.

Decisions are vital in life. To change it, to grow in it, to make it yours. This is what I do know. Choose something, anything. You might choose wrongly, but at least you made a choice.

Here comes the long shot.

Input, output

2007-07-01T12:03:00.000+02:00

'Black box' is technical jargon for a device or system or object when it is viewed primarily in terms of its input and output characteristics. - Wikipedia.org

In biology classes I took some years ago, one of the most important ideas of ethology - the study of animal behavior - was to think of an animal as a black box. The stimuli that go in and the responses that come out are the only things you can observe directly; what happens inside the 'box' has to be deduced from that. In psychology, the idea is the same. You can't see into someone's head, but you can usually get a pretty good picture anyway, just by observing someone's reaction. If I'd ask someone out to dinner, I can at least think of a number of reasons for any reaction given to that question. If he says yes, I may assume he likes my company. If he says no, maybe he doesn't like me. I wouldn't be sure, but I wouldn't be completely in the dark either.

I don't think anybody is able to show their true character to others. It's just impossible to get everything that's in, out, without being influenced by the people you're with. We want them to have certain ideas about who we are, what we are like, and as a result we show only the thoughts and feelings that agree with those ideas. At least, we try. But at the same time I think many people value expressing themselves the way they are, without holding back in fear of being disliked. It's also much easier not to pretend. To be much different from your true personality all the time wears us out quickly, I suspect.

When I think of the people I know, they don't seem to be keeping up appearances to any great extent. Undoubtedly they all have their secrets and thoughts they do not express, but I don't believe there is a gaping abyss or a towering wall between what's on the inside and what they show to others. Though there is one person I know that does appear to be very different from what he pretends to be. He perfected his act with such skill that its shallowness is hardly noticed. Believing that I'd witnessed a few rare moments in which he dropped his guard, I was both irritated and fascinated by him. I wanted to know what was behind it all.

The people around me are black boxes. Usually I can imagine what their motivations must be. But sometimes, someone can turn out to be a mystery, and I have found this makes it nearly impossible to communicate in any normal way. I cannot interpret his reactions, I cannot see why things have changed so much. I've stopped trying, and I tell myself I might have only been mistaken in those few moments.

Most people are not that much like black boxes at all, really. I want to be anything but a black box. I want to have the courage to be honest at moments in which it is least expected. I asked someone out to dinner, and as we were sitting in front of the café, enjoying the last warm breezes of a long Spanish day, I was absolutely truthful about my motives. In return, I got trust and sincerity, and all the answers I was looking for.

Falling

2007-05-28T17:48:00.000+02:00

Someone told me that swallows are as good as dead once they end up on the ground, because their wings are too long to be flapped sufficiently to take off again. Swallows always have to let themselves fall down from a high point before they can fly independently. It's like experiencing the very first flight over and over again. I don't know if it's a true story, but somehow it struck me as meaningful.

Likewise, the human way of walking through life is to literally let oneself fall from one foot whilst swinging the other foot forward to catch the fall. A controlled falling motion, repeated over and over again.

I´m in Spain doing geological fieldwork right now, and it´s tiring in a physical, mental and emotional way. I feel like falling every day, from one mood to the next. There´s the mood in which I feel like flying, in which nobody matters but me. Then there´s the bittersweet sadness, loneliness that is bareable in some beautiful way. Right now I feel friendly and caring towards everyone, even though some do not return that kindness - it is like my silent protest. But I fear the mood that comes when I get tired, because it makes me see everything different, and the sadness really hurts at those moments. I know that I´ll catch my fall again, though. Over and over again.

Someone told me it makes you stronger. Someone told me we are all on our own, and that we should therefore care about little else than ourselves. But I can´t, and I do not want to be that person all the time, even though the fall is tough. At least I have my high points to fall from.

See no evil

2007-05-28T15:55:00.000+02:00

Most people like to see themselves as individuals with a good sense of morality. They have a list of do's and don'ts and they try to live by it. Some things are just wrong. Thou shalt not murder, thou shalt not commit adultery, thou shalt not steal. Not just because the Bible says so, but because it hurts others unjustfully. I think a big part of our moral standards is based on empathy, on our ability to put ourselves in someone elses shoes. It's called the ethic of reciprocity, and it tells us to treat others as we would like to be treated ourselves. If you can imagine how the other person would feel, you are automatically inclined to do the right thing. It seems easy when you put it like that.

In a perfect world, like the one that is portrayed in Hollywood blockbusters, good people make all the right choices. Bad people behave selfishly - and of course their actions turn against them in the end. But sadly, life is not a movie, and the line is never clear. Sometimes I cannot see what is right and what is wrong. Sometimes I do not want to see. The sole purpose of moral and conscience is to regulate one of our strongest urges; to act selfishly. It can and has been argued that even when we behave altruistically, we do it for the sake of feeling better about ourselves, to avoid guilt feelings, or simply because we have been told throughout our lives that it is the right thing to do. I am not saying morality is nonsense, on the contrary, it is essential. Life would be a mess without it. But far from being sacral, inviolable laws, morals are rough guesses and basically inventions of the human mind.

Some things are just wrong. But what if the person that you treat unjustfully will never know that you did, and will not have to face any consequences of your actions? What if you find you cannot empathize with a stranger? And what if you realize that because of this, you will not hesitate to behave selfishly and have no sense of guilt about it whatsoever? Does that make you a bad person? Or does it make you human?

Ultimate integrity is making personal sacrifices to do the right thing, even though it makes no difference at all. Such morality sounds very beautiful indeed, but I am not an angel. I am a human who generally cares a great deal about other people, but I have my faults. Ashamed as I am to admit it, when it comes to this particular situation I have been confronted with, I cannot resist. I will see no evil.

After the calm, after the storm

2007-05-21T15:45:00.000+02:00

When you love what you do, it's not all that bad to work your fingers to the bone for a short period of time. You really feel you're getting somewhere, enthusiasm drives you. You don't even have time or energy to think, which is absolutely wonderful at first. Work, eat, sleep. Work, eat, sleep. All quite easy. Who needs those silent ponderings at the end of the day, working out how we feel about certain issues? Well, I do for one.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if there really was a secret to success, that golden and glittering concept? I often call to mind what the French philosopher Albert Schweitzer had to say about the subject. A great secret of success is to go through life as a man who never gets used up, he believed. If we would just be able to go on without losing our motivation, confidence, passion and optimism, we would be able to go on forever. Little people seem to live in such a state continuously, though, and I suspect even the seemingly tireless people amongst us spend a substantial amount of time faking it. Everyone needs some time off on a regular basis, a chance for the mind to process life. Or else the mess just gets bigger and bigger until the last drop... And we break down. I do.

Going on a two-week field trip is rather backbreaking in every aspect; physically, mentally, socially. Drilling holes in the ground is hard work, certainly in stormy weather. In the woods, in the fields, all day long. Other people are around all the time, which means non-stop communication - there are no breaks from that, we were even talking in our sleep. Dreaming out loud, subconsciously processing the events of the day. But it wasn't enough to keep me 'fresh and fruity', as I call my good moods.

The last evening, only eight o'clock. On a swing, a beer in my hand, feeling more alone by the minute. It throws me right off my feet. Rock bottom, down the dumps, a sinking ship. What I perceived to be a laid-back evening in fairly good company turns into a stretch of endless and empty minutes. The mental games I play become contests which I'm about to lose. What they have suddenly brings my attention to what I lack. Sitting on my bed, my face wet with tears. I want to do something, go somewhere, run away. I want someone to notice because I feel so forgotten. Where's a shoulder to cry on when you need one?

It took half an hour, or perhaps just ten minutes. In his kindest voice (although I must say that all his voices are kind, regardless of the words he speaks) he asked me what was wrong and he sat beside me to hear my stammering answer in between the sobbing. Throughout the week he'd recognized many of my semi-breakdown periods (you know, the quiet hours somewhere around five in the afternoon) and he'd said the same on every occasion. "You look so angry." And then, "It's okay, everything is going to be alright." With that roguish smile on his face and that twinkle in his eyes - have you ever met anyone with an actual twinkle in their eyes? He does it all the time.

He smiled and twinkled. "Why don't you tell yourself what I always tell you?"

I never knew I look angry when I'm tired.

Fieldwork in Brabant

2007-05-03T18:41:00.000+02:00

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
- T.S. Eliot, Little Gidding

As from next monday I will be away on fieldwork in Brabant, a southern province of the Netherlands. At about the 2oth of this month I'll be back and posting again. Make it a great two weeks, I'll try to do the same!

Carla Bruni

2007-04-28T16:00:00.000+02:00

I have recently been enjoying the music of Carla Bruni, an Italian songwriter and singer (and former model). She has released two albums so far, which are quite different from one another. Her debut album Quelqu'un m'a dit ('Someone told me') is composed of soft French chansons, simple and pure. 'On me dit que nos vies ne valent pas grand chose, elles passent en un instant comme fanent les roses,' are the first words sung on the album. Someone told me that our lives aren't worth a thing, they pass by in an instant, like roses wilting. Curiously, Bruni's music seems to suit every occasion, type of weather, and state of mind.

All tracks on the second album, No promises, are adapted by Bruni from English poems by authors such as W. B. Yeats and Emily Dickinson. My favorite is Promises Like Pie-Crust, originally written by Christina Rossetti (1830-1894). Bruni makes it seem as if the author truly meant this poem to be sung. After hearing the song, feeling the rhythm of the words whilst reading it is marvellous.

Promise me no promises,
So will I not promise you:
Keep we both our liberties,
Never false and never true:
Let us hold the die uncast,
Free to come as free to go:
For I cannot know your past,
And of mine what can you know?

You, so warm, may once have been
Warmer towards another one:
I, so cold, may once have seen
Sunlight, once have felt the sun:
Who shall show us if it was
Thus indeed in time of old?
Fades the image from the glass,
And the fortune is not told.

If you promised, you might grieve
For lost liberty again:
If I promised, I believe
I should fret to break the chain.
Let us be the friends we were,
Nothing more but nothing less:
Many thrive on frugal fare
Who would perish of excess.

The art of inaction

2007-04-19T14:38:00.000+02:00

It is harder than it seems; doing nothing at all. Even when 'doing' excludes thinking and observing. If you really want to do it the Buddhist way, you should eliminate the first one and completely bend your mind to the second. That's really not much action at all, but very difficult to sustain. I'm not necessarily talking about not thinking though. It doesn't have to be silent in your head.

In the company of others I often actually feel the need to do something just to look occupied, as if it's socially unacceptable to dream away. Travelling by train daily, I read every newspaper I can find, or at least listen to some music. Many people start playing with their cellphone once they get bored, sending text messages or browsing through the settings. For some reason it's always very obvious that they're bored.

But why would inaction imply weariness? You're not boring yourself, are you? That can't be right. Just let your thoughts off the chain! I feel it's actually very productive to do nothing at all - not all of the time of course, but in moderation it's quite valuable. Just to relax and think about what's going on, what happens next. Perhaps developing a few ideas. Or just enjoying the sunshine. I wouldn't be able to come up with much ideas to write about on this blog if I were focussing on other stuff all the time. Even music, because listening to lyrics can be quite distracting. For me personally it's a challenge too. But if doing nothing is done right, it's very satisfying. Who knows where you might end up?

The Earth from above

2007-04-12T16:28:00.000+02:00

These pictures made by the French photographer Yann Arthus-Bertrand are truly inspiring. You can find more of his work here and here, along with detailed descriptions. Some of Arthus-Bertrand's work can also be downloaded in poster size at the French website Le Développement Durable.

It's in the little things

2007-04-08T17:50:00.000+02:00

A guy in Brittain, whom I've never met, is behind is computer right now playing songs for me on his guitar, even singing occasionally.

Need I say more? It's just one of those things.

The greener grass

2007-04-05T11:58:00.000+02:00

Every now and then, it seems as if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. There's you on one side, and pretty much all of them on the other side - and they all seem to have what you desire. Lots of friends. A place in the city. A fuller, more interesting, better life in general. There's no logic to this thought, of course.

First of all, when you think back, you'll probably realize you were just fine with your life a couple of days ago. It's a phase, it came and it'll go away again. Why you feel you're missing out in the first place is a matter for debate (tough luck, chemical imbalance) but we all have our bad days. Nothing to do about that. We know it.

Secondly, deep inside we also know we won't really be happier people when we would be living like others. Because that's the whole point - it's not just the desire for greener grass, it's having a lawn as nice as other people seem to have. We all have our personal goals and dreams, and most of the time the fact that we haven't accomplished them doesn't bother us. We place them in our future, "that period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured," as Ambrose Bierce put it. We tell ourselves those days'll come, sometime. The Greener Grass Syndrome comes with a very different set of desires; they are based on comparison with people that are quite like us and have a life we feel we are supposed to live - right at this very moment. The desires, therefore, are not our own. Most of the time I'm an independent thinker, doing my own thing. And then suddenly, conflicting with all my principles, I feel I really just want to be like everybody else. Which is nonsense - I know that. "Jealousy," Erica Jong wrote in her first novel, "is all the fun you think they had."

The grass isn't greener. Not for us, anyway. Did your parents used to tell you how little orphans in Africa would do anything for a bite of that broccoli (spinach, sprouts, goulash) you would refuse to eat? Mine did, and of course they were quite right. People in Third World countries would risk everything for a life like ours. The chance to dream about a better future, like we do. And they do risk everything, putting their lifes in the hands of people smugglers, setting out in their rickety little boats. It's not just the green broccoli. Whatever happens to us, to them we are and will always remain the greener grass. I know this, I deliberately think about it and tell myself I'm just being silly. But to be honest, it doesn't feel that way at all.

I 've been imagining seeing greener grass on all the other lawns. Not being able to resist ruminating about it constantly, all this logic has passed my mind. You see, it really feels like I will surely come to a reasonable conclusion if I think about it a little longer. That all of a sudden, I'll be capable of sane reasoning again. But that's just another delusion, because all the logic in the world is not going to change how I feel. In these sort of situations it never does. It's a matter of waiting until I come to my senses again.

I can't get no

2007-04-01T14:11:00.000+02:00

A reasonably intelligent animal - such as a dog - can be taught tricks, because it can learn and remember the connection between a situation, its appropriate action, and the reward that is given when it undertakes this action. You can get your pup to recognize the word 'sit' and know what is expected. Most of the time it'll actually sit down because it has learned the reward for this behaviour is a dog cookie. Dog cookies make dogs happy.

The same thing works for us - reasonably intelligent - humans. We want to be happy, and this urge drives us to undertake certain actions of which we have learned they are usually rewarded with satisfaction. Why did our anchestors hunt and why do we spend our money in supermarkets? Because we need food to survive, of course. But we don't actually set out to buy dinner supplies because 'we die if we don't', do we? We can go without food for weeks. But hunger is a state of dissatisfaction, and we don't like being dissatisfied. Satisfaction is the ultimate reward for anything we do. If you take care of your needs and wishes, your brain releases some pleasant neurotransmitters, and you think "hey, I should do this more often." Of course you and your brain are the same. No matter what the initial reward is (money, appreciation, cookies) and how you got it, in the end you're rewarding yourself. But if you are able to do that, then why don't you do it all the time? Why doesn't your brain keep pumping itself full of dopamine?

"Dopamine is commonly associated with the pleasure system of the brain, providing feelings of enjoyment and reinforcement to motivate a person proactively to perform certain activities. Dopamine is released by naturally rewarding experiences such as food, sex, use of certain drugs and neutral stimuli that become associated with them." - Wikipedia.org/Dopamine

In nature, things work the way they do for a reason. Mechanisms without a function disappear. We experience a difference between satisfaction and dissatisfaction because it motivates us. Nature rewards actions that contribute to our survival and procreation. In the course of evolution, animals that did not experience the fact that there is a better and a worse state of being - and that they were able to influence this with their own actions - would have been utterly unsuccessful. We do not descend from any of them. We are never fully satisfied because it is not in our genes, because it is essential for our survival to know what it is like to be unhappy.

Imagine a time thousands of years ago, where a small and primitive tribe of Homo Sapiens lives in the woods. They hunt for deer and search for shelter every night because they know they feel uncomfortable if they are hungry and cold. Mothers take care of their babies. And on one starry evening a most remarkable child is born, a child that is always perfectly satisfied. He grows up with a peaceful smile on his face, never really doing anything in particular. If his parents would have ever heard of Buddha they'd notice the resemblance. The boy is taken good care of by fellow tribe members. He eats when they feed him. He drinks when they put a cup of water to his lips. When they're moving to a new place they take him by the hand, because he'll just stand still if they don't. He doesn't care if he's left behind. He wouldn't mind his father getting angry with him for not obeying. The boy reaches an age at which he is expected to support himself. He is expected to leave the tribe. Considering the nature of the boy, the tribe ends up leaving him - well supplied with everything he'll need to survive.

The boy just stands there, until he falls to the ground. He lies on the damp grass, the sun warming his tired body. He enjoys himself , but not because of the sensation of warmth or grass tickling his feet. He always enjoys himself. Hours become days. He keeps lying there. His throat dries to sandpaper, his stomach rumbles in dismay. His internal organs start to shut down. The boy feels satisfied. Then he dies.

What a wonderful life, lived in complete vain.

More than this

2007-03-28T16:20:00.000+02:00

"More than this, there is nothing." - Norah Jones

"Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb." - Churchill

A mid-life crisis is described as an emotional state of doubt and anxiety in which a person becomes uncomfortable with the realization that life is halfway over. There has to be something more, they feel, more than this. Amongst the various characteristics of people experiencing a mid-life crisis, Wikipedia lists 'a deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished' and 'search of an undefined dream or goal.'

I wonder if this isn't really an underlying issue for all of us. It may not always be obviously present or recognizable in our minds, but the urge of making some sort of progress in our lives has been instilled in all of us. In modern societies this often comes down to getting a proper education, building a career and settling down - but the need to develop our lives is universal and concerns everything we do. We want to learn more, create more, have more, so we can prove ourselves and everyone else that we do not live in vain. As Muhammed Ali once said, "A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life." Stagnation is waste.

I suppose that most people, at any age, from time to time, stop and wonder what they are doing with their life. Not just if they're happy with it, but also if it is really going somewhere. Because in the distance, we already see the end coming, well before we're halfway. The trick, I think, is to enjoy today consciously and not to care about your image too much. There will always be people more successful and gifted than you. Why compare, or care if others do? And if you really want to accomplish something big, don't hesitate to try. Regret for the things we don't do is the worst kind. Try and it'll be more, it might be great. Or perhaps that is only what that nagging feeling tries to make you believe.

Isn't that an interesting paradox? Progress seems to be an essential ingredient for a satisfying life, but at the same time we can't reach that happiness unless we realize it is found today - not at the next stroke or luck or major achievement, not in the distant future, but right now.

Sing, Goddess

2007-03-23T16:27:00.000+01:00

Sing, Goddess, sing of the rage of Achilles, son of Peleus—
that murderous anger which condemned Achaeans
to countless agonies and threw many warrior souls
deep into Hades, leaving their dead bodies
carrion food for dogs and birds—
all in fulfillment of the will of Zeus.
- Homer, The Iliad

Homer's Iliad and Odyssey are considered to be the oldest literature in the Greek language; most scholars date the two epics back to the 6th or 7th century BC. Can you imagine, we can still read stories written thousands of years ago. Well, I mean, some people can. Personally I have no other choice but to read the english translation. I think the translation of the Iliad I'm currently reading is a pretty good one, though. The translator - Ian Johnston - released it into the public domain and made it available for downloading here, along with the Oddyssey.

Reading the whole thing of my screen is not very comfortable. So I asked for a Word-document of the epics to be sent to my email address, downsized the text to a tiny Garamond 8 and put it in two columns. Removing all the line references took me quite some time, but it's worth it. I haven't printed it all yet but I think I should be able to get the Iliad on about 70 double-sided pages.

Although Homer wrote these stories at least 26 centuries ago, they're still very readable (in translation) - compelling and even comical at times. Tales of a time when men were heroes, and Gods quarreled amongst themselves much like is done in soap operas these days. I'm very impressed.

A place I know

2007-03-18T12:42:00.000+01:00

There's a place that I know where the sycamores grow, and daffodils have their fun, where the cares of the day seems to slowly fade away, and the glow of the evening sun. Peace when the day is done.

If I go there real late, let my mind meditate on everything to be done, if I search deep inside, let my conscience be my guide, then the answers are sure to come. Don't have to worry none.

When you find a piece of mind, leave you worries behind. Don't say that it can't be done. With a new point of view, life's true meaning comes to you, and the freedom you seek is one. Peace is for everyone.

- Norah Jones, "Peace"

In my last year of highschool, my grades for mathematics dropped dramatically. At every test, I would panic and forget everything I'd learned. My teacher enrolled me on a anxiety management course for pre-exam pupils. Amongst other things, I learnt to picture a brook alongside a peaceful meadow. I learnt to feel the grass under my feet and the sun on my head. I heard the birds sing in the trees. Water rushing past my ankles. It was a wonderful experience, feeling almost as real as dreams can feel.

I should visit that place again, sometime.

Simplify

2007-03-13T09:06:00.000+01:00

When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer?
Do what you want to.
- 'Put Your Records On', Corinne Bailey Rae

Anti-smoking guru Allen Carr claimed that escaping an addiction is only difficult when you believe it is. The problem is mainly in your head, he said. I feel it often is, in all sorts of situations. Why is it that sometimes it is so tempting to keep analyzing and worrying over something that you can't change? It's only your own way of thinking you can change; and with it, the way you feel. Why don't we?

Maybe that's easier said than done. But maybe it is still easier done than we tend to think. We often know the answer to our problems, we just need to accept it. Then it all gets much easier - you wonder why you made such a fuss about it in the first place. I know I do, every once in a while. Why do we keep putting ourselves through that pointless process? Some things have the potential to be exactly what we want them to be, not because we can change them, but because we can change the way we deal with them. There's no reason why that should be so hard to realise. Feel how you want to feel. Do what you want to. It would be so easy.

Cloud

2007-03-09T16:05:00.000+01:00

As you might know I'm not very fond of labels. I don't like categorising if it's not necessary. Yet I've been labeling all my previous posts (over 200) this week, because I found the most lovely 'Label Cloud' code right here. And here's the result, at your right. It's not perfect yet, but it will be better soon. I'd like to think of these labels as very vague and broad indications as to the nature of the posts - as opposed to actual categories. 'Truth' for instance applies to posts about reality, objectivity and subjectivity, honesty and everything else that has a vague connection to the word. It's interesting to see what it is that I'm writing about though.

One of the main reasons for installing the cloud is that it allows you to easily browse through Silence posts that you might be interested in; virtually all the topics are untied to current (past) affairs and such, so that won't be a problem. Give it a try!

By the way, I don't think I've mentioned that I am now writing at this lovely teamblog about childhood memories. It's a whole new experience, I'm very excited about it.

Here be dragons

2007-03-05T09:43:00.000+01:00

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear. And the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown. - H. P. Lovecraft (1890 - 1937)

The byproducts of a large, complex brain are the questions it asks - the ones that go beyond the essential questions one needs to ask to survive ("Where can I find food?" "What are the chances that I am about to be ripped to pieces?"). Like a child that keeps asking "Why?" time and again, we can’t help but wonder. In the history of mankind the world never ceased to impress us as a mysterious and often frightful place. Upon not finding a satisfying logical explanation for a number of phenomenons, man started to make up his own answers. Anything is better than to stare right into the deep gorge of the unknown. And so it came that an unusually large snake shook the Earth, and thunder gods never made it to an anger management course. But I guess we were never completely satisfied with our own myths.

So we set out to explore, to find some better answers using philosophy and science. Brave men set out to sail the seas and find the edge of the world – It is somewhat ironical that one of the most important discoveries lay in failing to find it. But the explorers made other discoveries, they found the many fascinating and seemingly endless riches of the world. Places beyond their wildest dreams. The Orient, the New World of America, the cold continent of Terra Incognita in the south. Cartographers gradually filled in the blank spaces on their maps, leaving less and less space in the world for dragons, griffins, chimeras and all the other fantastic but fearsome creatures imagined there.

Today the world is said to be a global village. We can all explore it, but sometimes it feels like there is nothing left to discover. What wonders of the world are yet to be uncovered? Where be the dragons? We might not be able to sail a ship to a coast unknown to civilization. We might look at our globe full of colourful patches and placenames – and the billions of books and webpages filled with a vast amount of knowledge - feeling there is nothing left to discover for us. But we would be mistaken. The world will never cease to surprise, it should make little difference that you are not the first to be surprised by it.

The unknown is a pretty big place, and sometimes it can be a frightening place. But we keep on filling in the blanks – personally and as a species - because it is part of our human identity. It is part of the success story of mankind. It is not our physical strength or toughness, but our craving for knowledge that has increased our survival rate in such an extraordinary way. We slay the dragons whilst uncovering the wonders.

Sunshine

2007-02-28T19:17:00.000+01:00

The sunshine makes everything look beautiful.

The bigger picture

2007-02-27T21:35:00.000+01:00

As many people will have noticed over the years, there is some difference between knowing and understanding. Knowledge proceeds in a straight line, one step forward for every piece of information acquired. The kind of thing they make you learn by heart. Understanding is a whole new level that you may be propelled to if you take all you know and light it with insight. The higher you get, the more you see. The bigger picture - how everything is connected to everything else.

This is what attracted me to the subject I study every day, Earth Sciences. Every process on Earth is very much connected to everything else, forming these amazing cycles of cause and consequence. In fact, the first course I took was entitled System Earth, giving an introduction to the whole thing. Ice caps, climate, tectonics, life - whatever happens on this planet will affect pretty much everything else. During the next years of the studies, you're zooming in on all these individual processes (which are miniature systems in themselves) but at the same time you're zooming out. Jumping up and down until you get to the next level. And there is always an even bigger picture. These are the words Carl Sagan wrote about the picture at the top of this post;

"Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam."

When we look at something from a distance, we are not able to see the details anymore. They are of little importance. When they merge into that tiny little dot know you have reached the point on which you understand them most. You realize you've stopped jumping and started flying.

Script three

2007-02-25T17:33:00.000+01:00

Stockholm Unlike A Man of Good Taste, this film is mainly shot in cool, bluish colours. A young woman - Cate Blanchett would be good - talks to her psychiatrist, an older woman who talks in a reassuring but vaguely irritating tone of voice. The camera alternates between three views. Showing them in in one shot, with a big desk between them. The young woman (let's call her Sophie) sitting on a chair or sofa, with her knees together, in a summer dress, like a girl. And close-up shots of her face, slightly unsteady. She smiles softly, looks away, tries to explain, her lips trembling. She has been through a traumatic experience, but most of the time she isn't very emotional about it. She does frown sometimes, remembering new details, she seems to be suprised about them. She tries to make sense of it all. In flashbacks (the main part of the film, really) we see what has happened to her.

The environment is even 'colder' in these memories, awfully clean and stripped down. We are in a modern corporate building - where all is glass, steel and marble. And one palm in a cilindrical pot of brushed stainless steel to contrast with its lifeless surroundings. We find out that she was in a hostage situation which lasted for several weeks. She is scared but not hysterical. She tries to talk to the hostage takers reasonably, one in particular (Colin Farrell, though he will have to work very hard for this role), but both of them are so emotionally unstable and confused that it is impossible for her to change their situation. But looking back on these events, Sophie feels that they had a bond, something special. She's very confused by this, obviously. Her psychiatrist insists that she is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, in which the hostage has feelings of loyalty (or even love) to the hostage taker. Sophie does not reject this explanation, but she keeps wondering if that is the only possible explanation. The challenge with this film would be to keep the audience in doubt as well. The flashbacks shows images of subtle affection between them, whispered conversations and honest confessions. But they also show the same man behaving violently, threatening her with a gun and physically abusing her and other hostages. He does not protect her from the other hostage takers either.

In the end, Sophie decides to find him. He has managed to escape after the hostage situation. After a long search, which the film doesn't show to great extent, she ends up at a cabin on a lakeshore, somewhere in Canada perhaps. The colours are no longer bluish and cool, instead there's a lot of lush green vegetation and the sun shines in bright yellow. This is where he has been hiding. In the cabin, she looks at the books he has lying around, a cup of cold tea he hasn't finished, some pine cones he has picked up and put next to the sink. Her hostage taker as a person. Then he walks in. Both caught by surprise, but not utterly shocked, they look at each other. Recognize each other. Time seems to slow down. Sophie opens her mouth to say something, but she's not sure what she should say. All of a sudden, she does look shocked. Doubt and confusion are in her eyes. Those eyes... Blue as the sky. She collapses on the floor, and her blond hair turns red. He speeds to her, picks her up, trembles as the life within her slips away. She doesn't see him anymore.

We don't see the police officers coming in, only seconds later, the people that she unintentionally led to him. We don't see the sharpshooter that missed him and hit her instead. We only see two people, and what they shared. Fear, confusion, doubt. And against all odds, an endless fascination for each other.

Script two

2007-02-23T19:07:00.000+01:00

A Man of Good Taste Jude Law is a blind connoisseur of wine in this surreal film shot with a yellow filter - showing the audience a 'sun-drenched' California. The nameless protagonist is not just gifted when it comes to tasting wine, his description of this alcoholic substance - and his presence in general - is also considered highly entertaining. The rich invite him to the exclusive parties they give in their Mediterranean-style villas amidst fields full of vines, using him as a status symbol but admiring him deeply. This is a man with refined social skills, but at the same time he always remains a complete mystery. Perhaps even a dark mystery. The people he surrounds himself with do not care; they are too shallow to see that there is much more beneath the surface, hidden. Throughout the film, our main character remains a stranger - and a little strange - only giving away a few hints as to his background and thoughts. I am not sure about the actual storyline, it will not bear a particular message but be rather puzzling and leave you with questions, and a lot of room for interpreting the events yourself. What you will be seeing is a mosaic of a rose on the floor of a swimming pool, and the main character driving off in a red Porsche cabrio. Which is odd, since he's blind.

Script one

2007-02-21T17:32:00.000+01:00

So much for films from renowned producers, directors, scriptwrites and actors. What if we were given the chance to make a professional film with a few million dollars to spend? Haven't you ever thought 'hey, that's a pretty neat storyline I've just coughed up'? If only we had the budget to make these films. About what subject would you like to make a film?

Borders The year is 2035. The International Agency of Space Exploration has been preparing a manned mission to Mars for years. From around the world, a large team of experts has been selected and trained to make this great journey. People from all over the world seem to be united in the prospect of this epic mission. After all, seen from Mars we are all only citizens of Earth. But only months before the launch, the international political community announces their plan to divide the surface of Mars amongst the countries of the world. One of the scientists in the Mars team is outraged by this pointless act and boldly decides she will participate in no such thing. On the eve of the most amazing achievement in her life, the fulfillment of her greatest dream, one woman risks it all because she refuses to abandon her principles. With eight billion people closely following the mission, all the officials can do is let her speak and hope she will make a fundamental mistake, one that will allow them to remove her from the team. The actual space mission is not covered by the film, so it isn't much of a science fiction film. Instead, it is a moving drama about borders - borders between territories, countries, cultures, people and visions - and one woman who dares to break them.

Soon

2007-02-18T12:53:00.000+01:00

There is something about trailers, that makes me feel I just can't wait to see the actual film. These are some films that are coming up - with their US release dates, which means I'll have to wait even longer. If these films are ever going to get in cinemas here, in the Netherlands. But I have hope.

Amazing Grace (feb 23) About the campaign against the slave trade in 19th century Britain, led by famous abolitionist William Wilberforce, who was responsible for steering anti-slave trade legislation through the British parliament. "Behind the song you love is a story you will never forget." That is amongst the most dreadful tag lines I've ever seen, and I hope the film itself is totally unlike it... But at least I'll love the costumes.

The Astronaut Farmer (feb 23) NASA austronaut Charlie Farmer (Billy Bob Thornton) gives up his dream job to try and save his home. Missing his former profession, he begins to construct a rocket that will actually be able to leave the earth’s atmosphere. His neighbours assume he's crazy, the media begins covering his progress, and the government considers him a potential threat that may need to be stopped. Government official: "Mr. Farmer, how do we know you are not constructing a WMD?" Charlie Farmer, very seriously: "Because if I was building a Weapon of Mass Destruction, you wouldn't be able to find it." Alright, I know it's a lame joke. But I think the film is going to be better than will be expected - given that it's about, well, an amateur astronaut.

Pride (somewhere in march) A film based on true events. In the 1970s, struggling to find employement, former competitive swimmer Jim Ellis founds an African-American swim team in one of Philadelphia’s roughest neighborhoods. He hopes to help them become successful at swimming and in all aspects of their lives. With Terence Howard and Bernie Mac.

Behind the mask

2007-02-14T15:29:00.000+01:00

You can't judge a book by its cover. Appearances are deceiving. The way a man (or a woman) looks, the clothes he wears and the things he owns, it says very little about himself. How he is viewed by others, certainly, but not how he views himself when he is alone. Not the person he really is. We cannot even know him through what he says and does, except when it is said and done in a moment of great honesty and trust. In all other situations, the words and deeds of a man are influenced by his 'true self', and in turn they act upon the self. But since we can never be certain to what degree this interaction takes place at that particular time, drawing conclusions from a man's words and actions (and only those of that particular moment) is of little value. Necessary? Most of the time. Inevitable, yes. But of little value if you want to determine who he truly is. If he hasn't lost himself somewhere along the way.

I have wrote before that I like to believe that a person, in the deepest sense of 'self', is what he desires to be. People do not really want to change into other people, even if it feels that way, but rather strife to express their own personalities better. To be more true to themselves amongst other people. We are all influenced by others, wether we feel we should take their opinions seriously or not. Copying someone's behaviour is part of communicating, it is a subconscious process. We cannot 'act' like ourselves completely, just as little as we can be someone else. Nevertheless I believe it is what we should reach for. The thicker the walls we build around ourselves, and the stronger the defense we put up to protect what is within, the more we will see only ignorance and incomprehension in the people around us. And we will remain alone.

A man who tries to be what he is will never have to prove himself to others. When it is asked of him, he replies that he feels no need to justify his words and actions. He has always attempted to be true to himself, and for that he does not have to be ashamed. The choice is now up to his critics; they can continue to believe they know him - and since this is a false belief, their opinions will be of no importance to him - or admit they are clueless. And we are all clueless, but that does not mean we should not aim higher.

Setting priorities

2007-02-09T12:22:00.000+01:00

He is a young businessman in a first-rate suit, admiring his spacious new office. Enjoying the victory of finally getting that promotion, after all the passionate work he put into his job. He walks out his office, into the elevator, into his expensive car. Heading home, or where he spends the night anyway; a modern appartment not far from the office. Driving out of the car park, he is suddenly struck by the late afternoon - the orange sky, the warmth of the day lingering before inevitably fleeing. A group of friends playing basketball in a fenced court, joking and laughing. They're not there to win. Street musicians surrounded by a small crowd of admirers, for subtlely striking a few chords in their hearts. A man his age, his girlfriend and their baby. Not rich, not without worries, but happy nevertheless.

The top can be lonely if you never come to realize that what you desire is not always what you want, or need. Which mountain to climb?

Change

2007-02-06T19:44:00.000+01:00

"I've been thinking about changing my mind. It never stays the same for long." Brooke Fraser sings. That about sums it up. The way I feel about some issues doesn't just pulsate daily - along with my moods - but can also change all of a sudden, without apparent reason or warning. Interests, ideas, people... One day I love them, the next day I wonder why I ever did. What can seem like a dream come true, can change in something I really don't want to happen at all. For no reason. This inconstancy doesn't occur in what I reckon are the most essential of my thoughts, but they affect pretty much everthing else. Suddenly, the battery just dies.

An afternoon in the garden

2007-02-03T14:45:00.000+01:00

We've got a new camera, a Sony Cybershot DSC-H2, and I've been shooting pictures all day last thursday. This digital camera is much better (as well as more expensive) than the previous one - I love the possibilities and quality. Thursday I was mainly taking macro photo's while experimenting with the aperture value. These are some of the results, unedited.

The Day

2007-02-02T18:29:00.000+01:00

Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment. - Evan Esar

When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened . But in my dreams, I slew the dragon. And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane, I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again. And you say, just be here now. Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin. Let me throw one more dice, I know that I can win. I'm waiting for my real life to begin. - Colin Hay

Some unimportant things have the nasty habit of turning into an issue if you carry them around for too long. You begin each day with the intention to do something about it - today's the day, you think - but then you never do. You're just waiting for the right moment. And that's okay, but the trick is to use that moment, or you'll be waiting forever.

Life is not for waiting. Knowing is better than wondering. So if you get the chance to find out and have that tiny bit of hope burned down to the ground, take it. You'll feel quite bad at first, no doubt about it. Call it experience. Move on. Because then you can get back to everyday life, where every day is a new chance to make it The Day. Hope stops being pleasurable after a while anyway.

Mark Squires

2007-01-31T17:37:00.000+01:00

Hate none

2007-01-30T17:38:00.000+01:00

A few days ago, I was captivated by a BBC program in which a presenter visited - amongst many other unusual characters - a rascist family in the States. And these were extremely rascist people, up to the point where there were nazi flags all over the place, and the eleven year old twins joining in as their mother demonstrated the Hitler salute. The presentor was obviously astonished, but succeeded quite well in remaining calm and friendly.

I agree that remaining calm and friendly is the best way to handle such a situation, for a journalist anyway. I would have tried to go about it in a similar way. Just to observe. But I wonder how long I would have been able to remain reasonable. Because these are people that claim the majority of the Western world has been "brainwashed by multiculturalism", people that think Auschwitz-Birkenau was acceptable. People that hate people that they have never met or spoke before. Ignoring every piece of information that contradicts their own opinion. Dangerous people.

Everything I know tells me that there is no reason - whatsoever - to assume that people of other 'races' are superior or inferior to myself. Race? Modern-day science tells us there is no such thing as a division of humanity in races. You will find more genetic variation in an average-sized group of chimpansees than in the entire human population. 6.5 billion people, more alike than fifty-five chimps.

Multi-cultural? Oh, you mean, like the world.

Visiting those people, I would not just feel frustrated because of their ignorance, I would also feel hurt. Because I believe that they might as well hate me. I might as well be a Jew. Or a Muslimah. Asian. An Arab. A Native American. Black as the night. Hate them and you hate me. Hate them and you hate yourself.

A piece of me

2007-01-28T10:43:00.000+01:00

"We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves" - Lynn Hall

Although it might very well not be true, I like to believe that deep inside, we are the person that we are trying to be. If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself, Hermann Hesse once wrote. I think the opposite can be true as well. If we admire something in someone - their courage or honesty, for instance - then that may be the very quality we possess ourselves, in essence, but fail to express. The desire is simply to express our true self.

At times, I know exactly what to say to a person, but I fail to do so. Because I am afraid of messing it all up, because I fear what people think of me. That is why I always end up holding my tongue. But I like to believe that I have the ability to change into someone who is more like me. Someone who is not afraid to be impulsive and speak her mind. Someone who lets people what they mean to her, just because it matters.

After six and a half years, I had begun to miss Nadine. After dinner, I put on my coat and walked to her house. And I let her know I missed her. Whatever her response would be, I knew I had done the right thing, and that I'd found another piece of myself in the process.

Nadine

2007-01-24T18:09:00.000+01:00

I don't seem to be very capable of missing people. At times I've been away for a couple of weeks, but I've never felt homesick. Sure, after some time I begin to miss my house, because it's usually more comfortable there. I miss my privacy, I miss minding my own business. I don't miss my family and friends. It is as if all my relationships are paused, and they'll go on like they always do when I come back. I won't miss anything.

Nadine was my best friend in primary school, the only friend I needed. She lives two streets from my house - still does. When we were about thirteen years old, we went to different schools. We lost contact nearly immediately, however close to each other we were every day. Just two streets away. I didn't have any friends in the first couple of years after that, but I don't recall missing Nadine. I just missed a friend.

Now she and I attend to the same university, and very occasionally we see each other. Today we were on the same metro, and we talked for a bit. And I noticed how I felt a little sad when we parted, knowing that the next time we would speak could be months away. And now I'm writing this, and I realize that somehow I miss her, for the first time since we were kids. Not just her company or talking to her, but Nadine herself. I don't regard myself as being an emotional person, but I can't help but crying while I write this. It's utterly silly, but true.

It's dark outside, and snowing for the first time this winter. Nadine is probably at home, just two streets away. And I feel like I should drop by after dinner, and let her know how I feel. Not because I want her to do anything with the fact that I miss her, but just because I want her to know. It matters.

Women

2007-01-23T21:30:00.000+01:00

These are some female musicians to whom I've been listening recently - this music is not just for women though. Recommended to anyone!

Aimee Mann A rock guitarist, singer, and songwriter whose voice reminds me of Laura Innes, the actress who played Dr. Kerry Weaver in ER. You may find it either irritating or unique. Try it anyway. Today's the Day, Momentum, or that lovely duet with Michael Penn (brother of Sean) called Two of Us.
Brooke Fraser A singer-songwriter from New Zealand, who makes beautiful pop/rock songs. Arithmetic is very subtle and makes me want to mumble along. Saving the World seems a little naive at first, but listen closely and hear both the idealism and the sarcasm.
India Arie If you think you're not into (neo) soul and R&B, like I am not, you should definitely listen to Video, I Am Not My Hair, and There's Hope. Feel good music with a message; love yourself, respect yourself, believe in yourself. This is very good - play a cd of this music on a rainy afternoon, loudly, and let it cheer you up. Even better when the sun shines.
Katie Melua Well, I don't have to explain who this is. There's more than bicycles in Beijing though. Anyone should be able to recognize the feeling described in The Closest Thing to Crazy, a love song that hits the mark without tiring you with roses and moonlight, in a manner of speaking. Belfast is very impressive. "Getting off the plane, the cold air rushes like bullets through my brain." I can just feel it when I hear that song. Last but not least, Thankyou, Stars is a song I would love to sing to my children, if I had any. Very gentle and hopeful.
Rachael Yamagata An American singer-songwriter with a 'dark, raspy alto'. Her music seems very developed and heartfelt. First listen to The Reason Why, then to every other piece of Yamagata's music you can find.
Schuyler Fisk If you're not going to look up any music from any of the musicians above, that's fine. But if there's just one thing you're going to listen to, then it should be Schuyler Fisk. I first heard her singing in an amazing duet with Josh Radin entitled Paperweight. Her other work is even better, although it's scarce. And if there is one song that you should try, then it's Fisk's Hello. It's simply brilliant.

Getting the message across

2007-01-21T17:43:00.000+01:00

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up. - Tom Lehrer

It's hard enough to make up your mind. But then to put your thoughts into words! Writing it down takes some thinking, speaking out can be a true tour de force. A task that is not to be underestimated - after all, for how long have we humans possessed the power of speech now? A few hundred thousand years, at most. Telepathy would be no luxury.

At times, it seems even more difficult to understand what somebody else is saying. With all the 'noise' in between, misunderstandings are easily created. I frequently doubt if particular people are even trying to make themselves clear. Communication becomes exhausting and terribly inefficient. Don't you ever feel like saying to someone, "What the hell is it you want? Because I haven't got a clue." That is exactly what I did last week - and it's a good thing I did, considering that we would have been in big trouble if I wouldn't have been able to get this specific piece of information out of him.

If you have nothing sensible to say, you might as well not say anything. If you have something amusing to share, please do. Knock yourself out. But if you have a truly important message to get across, just shut up. Lovers have known for ages what to do when you can't express yourself in speech. Write a letter.

No more waiting

2007-01-17T19:58:00.000+01:00

When I awoke today / suddenly nothing happened / But in my dreams I slew the dragon / And down this beaten path / And up this cobbled lane / I'm walking in my own footsteps once again / And you say,"Just be here now / Forget about the past / Your mask is wearing thin" / Let me throw one more dice / I know that I can win / I'm waiting for my real life to begin.
- Colin Hay

You may live for another hundred years. You may live to see your dreams come true, every one of them, one day. Or you might breathe your last breath tomorrow. Should it matter? Life isn't meant for waiting, life is for living. And it is surprisingly difficult to live. It's not something particular you can do, or feel. Instead, it seems to be about the very act of doing and feeling itself - notice that you are, and you'll notice you live.

The only moment you can live is now. There's no use in worrying or anticipating. If you can do something good today, why put it off until another day? Why save for some special occasion? It never comes. It's never going to be better than it is right now, unless you change your thinking.

Sometimes life should be passionate, like a song sung out loud, vibrantly. And sometimes life is subtile and silent, and it may just hurt a little. Be a little sad for no reason. I want to feel life, intensely. I want to be happy as can be. I want to be myself and throw my masks away. I want to be swept away. Not tomorrow, not next week, not in a year or two. My real life starts now, and every day from now on.

Your world

2007-01-15T18:42:00.000+01:00

Baraka is a non-verbal documentary - including footage of various landscapes, churches, ruins, religious ceremonies, and cities thrumming with life - filmed in over 20 countries. The title means 'blessing' in several languages. Baraka makes comparisons between natural and technological phenomena, and in addition searches for a universal cultural perspective. This film shows you the world as it is - there's no need for anything but the imagery to make you see the beauty of it all. Very inspiring.

The other artform

2007-01-13T15:01:00.000+01:00

Most commercials and advertisements are probably rather ineffective. They're supposed to make you want to buy the featured product, but to be honest, I reckon some actually have the opposite effect. It's not just about making potential customers believe they need the product; a good commercial or advertisement should bring about a warm, loving feeling for the brand itself. A difficult task, obviously, because consumers aren't fooled that easily these days. I hope. But great commercials do exist, enjoyable commercials. They're visually beautiful, make good use of music, and generally have absolutely nothing to do with the product itself.

I should feel ashamed for allowing those companies and their advertizing agencies to catch me like that, but the trick is not to actually link the happy feeling with the product itself. The commercials of mobile network operator Orange, for instance, are often very good. Pieces of art. Visual poetry. Brilliant logo. Do they make me want to buy their services? No. They make me want to tape their commercial. Having said this, I do believe that these kind of advertizing campaigns are in general far more effective - really. Want more customers? Stop annoying them.

If you think I'm crazy, go to this website, find the "selecteer adverteerder/merk" menu and select "Orange". I recommend "Hands", "Opnieuw", and "Fish". Nice, it makes me want to work at an advertizing agency - these people are so good in advertizing that they manage to advertize for their own branche at the same time.Has anyone seen that Coca Cola commercial, which shows an imaginary world inside a vendor machine? Surely that's broadcasted outside the Netherlands? If it doesn't ring a bell, it's listed number one here. I know I'm indirectly advertizing for a major company, I'm aware of that, forgive me. Just trying to make my point.

These ads for Airwalk by photographer Michael Muller are nice as well (more of them in his online portfolio).

Reminding ourselves

2007-01-10T17:14:00.000+01:00

Some time ago, I stumbled across this inspiring piece of text. The author is unknown, but it deals with the kind of thing that nearly everyone will recognize. Something we all know but tend to forget so easily. A universal reminder. The perfect quotation to stick onto your refrigerator, too.

"Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances; you just have to live life to the fullest. Laugh as much as you can, spend all your money, tell someone what they mean to you, tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, pig out, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, smile till your face hurts, don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love... And most of all, live in the moment, 'cause when you look back someday knowing you have no regrets it's going to be what makes you smile."

I felt I needed to remind myself of that today. Not to fear, not to worry, not to regret. Life happens now, and it's too short for waiting.

At the gaming table

2007-01-08T16:41:00.000+01:00

Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. - William Jennings Bryan

Few things seem more unnatural to me than destiny, a predetermined course of events and future. Frankly, the idea of it being 'your time' to die, or a romance that was 'meant to be', would have never occured to me. Of course, every consequence has its cause, but I doubt if this has caused every event in the universe to be fixed from the very beginning. Why? Good question. I am not at all competent to have an opinion on this matter, because I face a serious lack of knowledge on several crucial subjects, including quantum mechanics. What are the implications of 'God playing dice', for instance? Does that uncertainty on a subatomic level lead to any serious unpredictability in the macro-world? Beats me.

One thing I do know, is that determinism and free will don't go together well. If all the universe is governed by natural law, then so are human beings and their actions. That would mean that there is no such thing as human freedom. But if we accept that we do have free will, we mess up our entire concept of the world being governed by natural law. Neither one makes sense.

Imagine you come visit me, and I ask you if you would like coffee or tea. You'd say it would be entirely your choice - a chance to use your free will and choose whatever you fancy at that particular moment. Perhaps you have always had a clear preference for either one. Some people just don't like coffee, amazingly but true. Maybe you enjoy both. But what is it that you base every one of those thousand decisions a day upon? It's not a random process. You base your decisions on your experiences and the thoughts that have resulted from them. Is the mind a machine, its output determined by its input, however complicated the processes in between? Because that's not how it feels. I often doubt between having myself a cup of coffee or a cup of tea, not really preferring one over the other, and as soon as I've chosen one it seems as if I could have as well chosen the other. What if I were to offer you a choice between A and B, without telling you what either one of them comes down to? I can't see how you would be destined to choose A, or B for that matter. But then again, we could only know for sure if we knew every single input and process preceding your choice. Numerous factors, billions of them.

God doesn't play dice, but do you?

My latest obsessions

2007-01-07T15:11:00.000+01:00

Pirates Especially female pirates (untamed criminal women like Anne Bonny, how irresistible) and their shoes. I found the perfect pair of pirate shoes, but unfortunately I'm too tall for high heels, and besides, I have no pirate parties to attend to in the near future.
'Window shopping' at Amazon And I mean hours and hours. Mainly books on pirates, of course. And I still have so much books to read...
Preparing for global post-"peak oil" chaos I don't even have to read books like this, just seeing the cover is enough to make me panic. There goes my future. I think I should be setting up a food supply.

The Devil's Dictionary

2007-01-06T14:24:00.000+01:00

Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) was an American journalist and writer, today best known for his Devil's Dictionary, which is full of satirical definitions of words. This brilliant and well-known book has been made available online by Project Gutenberg (to be precise, right here).

Cannon An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.

Love A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Pray To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

God-shopping

2007-01-04T17:13:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure if it's right to 'pick' a religion. One gets the feeling that there is much more to religious conversions than that, and of course there always is, but perhaps we also tend to overstate the actual (mental) transition. I estimate the percentage of conversions preceded by glorious visions and heavenly messages - wether they are real or imagined - to be rather small. I guess few people actually 'see the light' in such a way. Instead, I think most will steadily grow towards a religion, or a world view in which a particular faith suddenly seems to fit. What follows is a long learning process.

But what to do if you're searching for a religion - which again seems like an inappropriate way to put it, although many people may experience such a need at some stage in their life - without running into the right one? You might consider learning more about a variety of faiths that might do the trick for you. Even if you don't succeed in your quest, time will not be wasted. You will have broadened your horizons, you will have taken an interest in something that plays a vital part in the lives of millions, and you will be less likely to choose the 'wrong' religion (for you personally) out of ignorance.

Again, some may feel that there is something wrong with this method. It may sound like simply picking a religion you like, in the same manner that you go to the library and pick a book you like. The cover looks good, the contents seem readable and just the thing for you, so let's try it. And how can you be sure of making the right choice? You may like the book, but it doesn't cite sources that allow you to find out if the story is actually true. Serious religion explains the world around you, gives you values and goals to achieve, and is supposed to be the very axis around which your life revolves. 'Picking one' doesn't seem right. It sounds like God-shopping.

If this is surely an unsuitable and untrue method to find God, then there has to be a right method. Are you a true believer if you're raised in a religious family, where you've learned to accept its principles naturally? Should people that haven't found their truth yet, just wait patiently for some sort of sign? A sudden feeling that strikes us so vigorously that we can only conclude that we have been touched by divinity, by the hand of a God? But what if that moment never comes? What if we will never be able to interpret it and trust it? What if waiting is not enough?

The Stone

2006-12-29T17:32:00.000+01:00

A Dutch singer/songwriter once wrote a song called De Steen (The Stone) which strikes me more as a poem.

Ik heb een steen verlegd in een rivier op aarde
I have moved a stone in a river on earth
Het water gaat er anders dan voorheen
The water travels different than before
De stroom van een rivier hou je niet tegen
The current of a river cannot be stopped
Het water vindt er altijd een weg omheen
The water will always find a way around it
Misschien eens gevuld door sneeuw en regen
Perhaps, when filled with snow and rain
neemt de rivier mijn kiezel met zich mee
the river will take my pebble with it
om hem dan glad en rond gesletente laten rusten in de luwte van de zee
to let it rest, polished and rounded, in the lee of the sea

Ik heb een steen verlegd in een rivier op aarde
I have moved a stone in a river on earth
Nu weet ik dat ik nooit zal zijn vergeten
Now I know I will never be forgotten
Ik leverde bewijs van mijn bestaan
I proved my existence
Omdat door het verleggen van die ene steen
Because of moving this single stone
de stroom nooit meer dezelfde weg zal gaan
the current will never take the same way again

Heatherwick Studio

2006-12-27T12:59:00.000+01:00

More wonderful architecture can be found at http://www.heatherwick.com/

Confessions

2006-12-26T16:08:00.000+01:00

I'm sorry to say, but I've done things that I regret this year. I'm not worried about the situations that I regret because I got hurt, because I can't change anything about that anymore. What bothers me are my faults towards other people, wether they have ever been bothered by it or not. I considered offering my apology to at least seven people, but just don't have the guts. I'm sorry. However, I did ask for the forgiveness of one person just now. By email. But I went about it thoroughly - he really deserved my apology - admitting that I have been a tart acting out of pure egoism. Because that's the truth, although I am ashamed of it. I'll try to do better next year.

I am sorry for not always trying to be sociable. I am sorry for disappointing at least one, but probably several people. My heart's just not in it. I am sorry for taking advantage of people who yielded to my wishes. You are too good to me. I am sorry for amplifying someone's pessimism, although she calls it realism. No more sarcasm for you, my friend. I am sorry for not being more nice, chatty, and charming towards one particular person. I'll try to make it up to you, and I hope you'll notice my efforts.

To all the people

2006-12-24T12:50:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure what to make of Christmas. It has little to do with the birth of baby Jesus, these days. And it's not about Santa Claus either. Is Christmas about family? Love? World peace? Is it an excuse to party and eat too much? None of these. Christmas is about all of them, or rather, it's what you want it to be. Christmas is no more than a vague but warm feeling that somehow got connected with a day in December. And in many ways, it's a wish for a better world - not just globally, but also on a more personal level. Because we can't help but hope. We can't help but imagine.

So here's to a bit more understanding and joy in the world. Here's to you. Have yourself a merry Christmas.

Flaw

2006-12-21T13:33:00.000+01:00

There is no such thing on earth as an uninteresting subject; the only thing that can exist is an uninterested person. - G.K. Chesterton

I believe it is theoretically possible to be interested in anything. The difficulty of generating interest in a particular subject depends on a few things. First of all, I reckon imagination is essential. Amongst other things, I am interested in geology, because what happens inside the Earth fascinates me. But I wouldn't be if I would simply process the facts; I am only interested because I can use these facts to form a mental picture of the situation. Which in turn amazes me because of the beauty and apparent perfection it displays.

I have long thought that the reason of my interest for particular subjects is the fact that these can be understood by using your imagination to draw the bigger picture. But maybe this is true for everyone and every subject - perhaps I am interested because I can personally form a mental picture best in those fields. If I would have been more talented in imagining X than imagining Y, I would be more interested in X. It's not exactly the same as understanding the subject matter - I'd rather describe it as the mechanism you use in order to understand it. Some people process information visually, on a very basic and realistic level, which is like imagining a teapot or a trainstation. Others are able to grasp grammatical systems or mathematical equations. I don't know how, but they must be able to imagine it in some way. To see through the facts and see the bigger picture.

Persuasiveness is a second tool, one you are going to need in more difficult situations. And you'll need a lot of it, because you'll have to persuade yourself. If you can make yourself believe that a subject is truly interesting - Fascinating! Wonderful! - then you are. And to be able to do that, you first have to believe you can persuade yourself... But the difficulty of generating interest in a random subject is especially tied to your initial amount of interest - which I assume mainy depends on your imagination, plus your experiences. Unnecessary to point out, it will be more difficult to become interested in something you detest as opposed to something you just don't care about. Pure willpower and persistence are the keys.

Being able to generate interest because you want to be interested is a very useful ability. It could help you study your least favorite subjects; was your favorite subject at school more fun because it was easy, or easier because it was fun? Another example. If you are able to spot if the person you're talking to is genuinly showing interest, or just trying to make conversation, then other people might be able to tell if you're interested yourself, as well. Last but not least, I reckon a general interest in the world around us is very important for keeping an open mind.

The reason why I am telling you this, is the fact that I am painfully reminded of the fact that generating interest in some subjects is easier said than done. In my case, take maths. There is no doubt in my mind that mathematics is a fascinating science - and I am not being sarcastic. Why would there be mathematicians if maths was uninteresting, right? Let alone mathematical geniuses such as John Forbes Nash; Russel Crowes character in A Beautiful Mind was inspired by this Nobel Prize winner (see picture). I cannot imagine maths to be truly fascinating, but I can understand. Somebody able to grasp the fundamental patterns and the complexity behind it all will surely be swept away in amazement. But I can't. All I manage to find in the dizzying sequences of numbers and variables are rules. Crispy, dry, dead rules that crumble in my fingers at the first tricky problem I try to solve. There's a whole world behind those rules, but I can't see it. I am ashamed to say this, but I find maths dreary, highly unpleasant, and anxiety-inducing. And I am even more ashamed to admit that to this day, I haven't been able to change this attitude. In fact, I'm about to give up.

Winter

2006-12-18T19:07:00.000+01:00

Today feels like the first day of winter. I haven't seen one flake of snow yet, but there's more to winter than frozen water. Winter is breathing the cold air and being glad you've put your gloves on - the ones that don't cover your fingers entirely, so you can feel the cold of your bike's metal frame. Blue skies and frosted windows. I wonder what's next.

A thought experiment

2006-12-16T16:57:00.000+01:00

"We have the answer. It is our existence. The fact that we exist is proof that God is motivated to act in some way. And since only the challenge of self-destruction could interest an omnipotent God, it stands to reason that we . . .”
I interrupted the old man in midsentence and stood straight up from the rocker. It felt as if a pulse of energy ran up my spine, compressing my lungs, electrifying my skin, bringing the hairs on the back of my neck to full alert. I moved closer to the fireplace, unable to absorb its heat. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” My brain was taking on too much knowledge. There was overflow and I needed to shake off the excess.
The old man looked at nothing and said, “We are God’s debris.”

God's Debris is a thought experiment created by Scott Adams. You won't agree with every idea in it - I hope you won't, much of it only sounds convincing - but the purpose of this book is not to persuade the reader. Adams writes that God's Debris 'might be the most compelling vision of reality you will ever read.' Expecting this might be a little to optimistic, but you'll never know if you don't read it. The thought you should try to keep in mind when reading the story is this: Try to figure out what’s wrong with the old man’s explanation of reality. God's Debris can be downloaded here for free. An interesting discussion forum about the theories discussed in the book can be found here.

Marvel, part 2

2006-12-15T19:04:00.000+01:00

Could it be that this feeling, this brightness, is the very experience that connects all this? Is it our God, wether He is imagined or not? Does it provide an explanation as to why there is such a similarity between the ways in which God is experienced in different faiths, and even in non-theistic religions such as Buddhism? Love, happiness, a touch of divinity (even the ecstasy induced by drug use, after all, man has been using intoxicants to experience God for millennia), is it all in essence the same feeling? I wonder, because based on what I know and what I dare to believe in, this is a feeling caused by chemicals. On August 5 I also wrote that, "for all I know, happiness is a chemical process in my brain. Neurotransmitters released." When we get high on euphoria, we're experiencing the effects of an overwhelming cocktail of dopamine, adrenaline, serotonin, or whatever chemical influences our emotions and perceptions in this way. Drugs can trigger the release of these neurotransmitters when your brain has no reason to do so. But sometimes we're experiencing the feeling without apparent reason, and without being under the influence of intoxicants. If we can learn to master that process, if we can trigger that event by solely using our willpower and make it last forever... I believe that is the ultimate goal of anyone who tries to reach Nirvana, or whatever you'd like to call it.

Having said this, I think it's important to state that I do not believe that this explanation challenges the existence of God or the 'divinity' (both literal and figurative) of happiness and love in any way. I would like to emphasize this, not because I am afraid to go against the grain with religious people, but because I think that the ideas I have expressed will easily be mistaken for such a statement. However, I have only answered the question as to how I believe this experience is generated, and although one could conclude that this explanation removes the need for 'real' divinity, the how-answer remains only part of the solution - the part that science usually tries to answer.

The other part is why things happen the way they do. I have yet to meet the first person who completely rejects the importance of this question and its answer. One might even say it is what makes us human; asking why. If someone you love dies, you might ask yourself why. And a doctor would be able to explain to you which disease or injury caused her death, perhaps even explain all the causes and consequences in great detail. But even if you would know and understand what took place in every cell of her body on the moment she breathed her last, you would not be satisfied. You would only know how she died, and that is not the answer you are looking for.

In the same way, chemicals only explain how, not why. Nevertheless, I would not be disappointed if there is no underylying reason for our euphoria - a possibility we shouldn't disregard either. Why should we be disappointed? Because it would mean that our most treasured and beautiful experiences, the ones that make us feel special and unique, are 'simply' a product of our cells and molecules? Humanity has disliked that idea from the day they considered themselves more than 'just' children of nature. Personally, I don't believe that all miracles have to be heaven sent. Man was created out of dust. Whether it took a day or 3.7 billion years, whether it was God or Nature... What is the difference? Marvel, because we can.

Marvel, part 1

2006-12-13T19:02:00.000+01:00

On this blog, I write about my daily thoughts, the experiences and ideas that seem most valuable to me. Some of these thoughts break the surface time and again. Sometimes I experience a feeling that is beyond description. It is not triggered by anything in specific, but it occurs at times when I feel contented and notice 'the beauty of it all'. On May 6 I wrote;

"And it is there at those moments, when everything seems to be in the right place - when bliss overflows you for no apparent reason. Confounding, but never exuberant. Happiness that doesn’t dazzle you - but instead makes everything clear, in a soothing way. I believe it comes from within. We do not have to wait for something or someone to make us feel fullfilled; it is up to us to experience it."

And on August 5 I wrote:

"(...) the euphoric feeling that takes me by surprise and throws me into ecstasy. It feels like sharing my heart. It feels like making a little space and saying, "you can come live here, with me". For some reason being able to say that - feel that - is the closest thing to heaven. It sounds like I've fallen in love hopelessly, doesn't it? Yes, that's exactly the same feeling. I've fallen in love with the sensation of falling in love. I can even imagine believing in God with all your heart feels like this. Standing on top of a mountain. Listning to a piece of music that strikes you in a great way. Finding your purpose in life. Euphoria in every quantity. Not all the time, of course, but sometimes the sensation just wells up inside of me and overcomes me completely. "

This feeling of happiness is stimulated by the beauty of the landscape, sunlight, warmth, certain music and ideas. It ripples like water when I allow such matters to touch me, when I actively try to incite it. But when it catches me by surprise, it's much stronger. The feeling engulfes me and carries me away, if only for a brief period of time. Seconds of euphoria, unbelievably pure. It feels like falling in love. It feels like a religious experience.

And although this experience is difficult to describe, I seem to recognize it in the words of others. I recognize it when reading about the religious ideas of a certain Plotinus, a major philosopher in the ancient world whose metaphysical writings have inspired centuries of Christian, Jewish, Muslim, and Gnostic metaphysicians and mystics. Plotinus taught that there is a supreme, totally transcendent "One", containing no division, multiplicity or distinction. The One can be compared to the Sun, and everything else ripples from its centre like sunlight. Plotinus hypothesized that everyone strives for unification. Instead of recognizing separate legs, arms and a head, we organize these perceptions and recognize a human being. The whole is greater than the sum of parts. But we are all part of something greater, and it is the ultimate unification of everything that Plotinus had in mind when he wrote about the One. We are all part of it, and we all seek it. Plotinus describes the final stage in reaching union with the One, with God (it is said that Plotinus himself had this experience on four separate occasions), as following:

"The soul comes to see both God and himself, himself made radiant and filled with intelligible light, really, grown to be one with that light in its purity, without any heaviness, transfigured to the divinity, really, being god in essence."

I recognized it on August 24, when I argued that the following monologue in the film Contact (Eleanor, played by Jodie Foster, maintains that she has made contact with extraterrestrial life) can be interpreted as a description of a meeting with God.

"I had an experience I can’t prove, I can’t even explain it, but everything that I know as a human being, everything that I am tells me that it was real. I was part of something wonderful, something that changed me forever; a vision of the Universe that tells us undeniable how tiny, and insignificant, and how rare and precious we all are. A vision that tells us we belong to something that is greater than ourselves. That we are not, that none of us are alone. I wish I could share that. I wish that everyone, if even for one moment, could feel that awe, and humility, and the hope..."

I recognize it - in a soft, barely perceptible form - when trying to grasp concepts so great and all-embracing that I can't help but feel an almost religious awe for them. Like on April 17, trying to get an idea of the vastness of the universe. And on March 22, realizing that we are all stardust. A day earlier, March 21, I wrote:

"Every atom in your body is making an incredible journey through time and space. They've all been part of several stars and millions of other organisms before finally coming together in you - not for long though. A billion of your atoms once belonged to Shakespeare. Another billion to Genghis Khan, Buddha, Alexander the Great, you name them. If they lived a few decades ago, you've inherited millions of their atoms. We're exchanging atoms every second, taking a part from everyone we meet while giving them something back. When I die, I might not live on in Heaven, Walhalla or the Summerlands. But my atoms will find new purpose and new life. In a few centuries, a part of 'me' will be in every living creature and every place on Earth. To me, it's an inspiring and comforting thought. That's what religion should be like, shouldn't it?

All I want

2006-12-11T18:14:00.000+01:00

All I want for Christmas is Richard Dawkins? I'm sorry to disappoint you, Richard - my second apology already. On my wish list, Unweaving the Rainbow is accompanied by Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything, amongst other books. I know it's not a very original choice, but it contains a lot of text (686 pages) about a lot of subjects (nearly everything), so it should be a great way to spend a lot of passtime - although I have no such thing at my disposal at the moment. But anyway. Then there's Brian Greene's The Fabric of the Cosmos about space, time and the texture of reality. Since I loved reading my biography of Alexander the Great (alright, I admit, I wás picturing Colin Farrell) I also asked Santa for The Classical World by Robin Lane Fox. An epic history of Greece and Rome, the cover says. Fifth and last on my list is Douglas Adams' complete Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The famous trilogy in five parts. I actually own (and have read) the first two parts. Call it nonsense - it is - but it makes me laugh.

This is not just all I want, for now - it's all I get. Picking your own presents is not that bad, even if you do like surprises.

Colour

2006-12-08T15:28:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure if I deserve Santa's gifts this year. I always try to be unprejudiced towards others. But a few weeks ago, I have made a very biased statement. I quote; "Richard Dawkins will probably have established a personal record by writing more than fifty words without emphasizing his contempt for religion. Although one can never be sure." It was meant as a joke - hence the exagaration - but I feel I owe mr. Dawkins an apology anyway. Shame on me. The best way of making it up to you, Richard, is of course to buy one of your books. Actually, I've asked Santa Claus to buy it for me. Forgive me for the fact that I have not put The God Delusion on my wish list - it would only prove me right. No, I've asked Santa for Unweaving the Rainbow instead. Shockingly, Amazon.co.uk's synopsis tells me that - on this subject - I couldn't agree more with Dawkins.

"This is a dazzling, passionate polemic against anti-science movements of all kinds. Keats accused Newton of destroying the poetry of the rainbow by explaining the origin of its colours. In this illuminating and provocative book, Richard Dawkins argues that Keats could not have been more mistaken, and shows how an understanding of science enhances our wonder of the world. He argues that mysteries do not lose their poetry because they are solved: the solution is often more beautiful than the puzzle, uncovering even deeper mysteries. Dawkins takes up the most important and compelling topics in modern science, from astronomy and genetics to language and virtual reality, combining them in a landmark statement on the human appetite for wonder."

Science doesn't destroy the miracles in this world, it uncovers them. That's exactly what I've been trying to capture in posts like these. And of all writers, I recognize that thought in work by Richard Dawkins. How I love to be proven wrong. How I need crayons in all colours of the rainbow to chase away the black and white in my mind... where colouring within the lines is strictly forbidden.

Presents

2006-12-03T16:28:00.000+01:00

I am probably one of the very few bloggers who will tell her audience what presents she will be giving to her family for Christmas - before she has actually given them. The logical reason for this is the fact that my audience does not encompass any of my family members. Furthermore, I don't have to warn you to keep this a secret, as I am pretty sure none of you know my family. Such freedom is given to me by the Almighty internet... Don't expect any brilliant gift ideas, though. This is what I have bought so far:

Two carmine red tealight holders, because it isn't quite like Christmas if you don't give something to light up the room. And they're in my mom's favorite colour.
A tealight holder of frosted glass on which the the tealight sheds patterns of light (the patterns are cut out of a metal cup in the holder). Because it looks real pretty, and you can never have to much tealights burning at Christmas.
Aerial, the most recent CD by Kate Bush. I cannot stand this music, but I hope the receiver thinks differently.
Facial masks, because sometimes you just have to force somebody to relax.
A tea box, because it's needed. No gift like a practical gift, right?
A rubber oil brush, because I ran out of original ideas. But again, very useful.
Two luxurious bars of chocolate. Food and Christmas always go well together.

The idea counts.

Cubbyholes

2006-12-03T14:31:00.000+01:00

In Dutch it is called a hokjesgeest, a mind that tries to categorize everything and everyone into little cubbyholes. In essence, I think we perceive the entire outside world through a grid, a sieve to sort out our observations. Our anchestors used categories such as 'edible plants' or 'potential enemies'. And I'm sure other animals do exactly the same thing, for the same reason we all arrange our computer files into folders; to keep our hard disk organized and to allow us to retrieve files efficiently. The folders in our mind also help us recognize additional similarities between the members of one category. This is why animals in the jungle will generally stay away from brightly coloured frogs, since most of them are poisonous. Some harmless frog species have even taken advantage of the situation, evolving bright skin colours to make their hunters believe they are dangerous.

This inevitable system has its advantages, but it also induces a very subjective outlook on reality. And the relations we see between certain characteristics are often imagined. Making a connection based on a few cases, assuming that it applies in all cases, and ignoring all evidence that could prove that idea wrong... That's too easy. So easy that we do it all the time. We connect the dots wrongly, even when we are aware of the fact that we are listening to mere prejudice . Most of the time, these small lies do not cause any harm. But some people lose sight of reality as they get cought up in their own conclusions. They start to make assumptions about large groups of people, categorizing them by skin colour or religion. And we all know where that can lead to.

I believe that tolerance is one of the most important virtues one can possess, and to receive this trait we should at least try to keep an open mind. We will never be able to break down those cubbyholes inside our minds, but by carefully keeping our balance, we might be able to tiptoe atop the walls that divide them.

Image: Route 2 J

Wish upon the Moon

2006-12-02T21:45:00.000+01:00

"In thought, the sand seeps through my fingers."

The Planetary Society encourages people around the world to send their names and a message along with SELENE, a Japanese lunar orbiter spacecraft currently in integration. The proposed launch period is sometime between July and August 2007, bringing thirteen science instruments - and thousands of messages - into an orbit around the Moon. I know, it will not immortalize our poor souls... But the symbolism of it! You can submit your name and message here. My message (at the top of this post) Isn't exactly a wish, it's more of a homage. A homage to the greatness of human imagination, which allows us to make such giant leaps. In some ways, we are closer to the Moon than SELENE will ever be.

Thanks

2006-11-30T15:38:00.000+01:00

The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank. - Dante Gabriel Rossetti

Does God exist? I do not know. And although the question intrigues me, I am glad I have managed to get through daily life without knowing the answer, so far. But that's not all. I have a lot to be glad for. One could even argue I am thankful. The question is, to whom?

I'm not good in finding objects I've lost, and worse in dealing with the fear I'll never find them again. Not being able to find something makes me feel bad, even - dare I say - worse than the average, ehm... loser. One who has lost something. Automatically, I will beg for some luck. "Please, let me find those keys. I will be so thankful. Let them be at my desk, under the bed, in the hallway." And I do feel very thankful once I've found my keys. But then I wonder to whom I am talking. Destiny? Lady Luck? God? An atheist has nobody to thank in such a situation. But I am faced with a dilemma. I might have nobody to thank, but I can't be sure. And getting what you've asked for without showing your gratitude is not very polite, even if you don't know who did you the favor. So, if anyone's listening? Thanks.

Frogs

2006-11-23T16:34:00.000+01:00

In my last post I borrowed an example - the story about a lady dying in the theatre - from a journalist of my morning paper. He had his own reason for mentioning this incident of course. He used it to illustrate how he perceived the reaction of the general public to the issue of global warming to be. We know we should do something, but we can't help but waiting for others to take action first. Al Gore's documentary An Inconvenient Truth fortunately has drawn more attention to the subject, simply because he is a well-known politician. In his own words, he "used to be the next president of the United States." I have respect for the way Gore has brought global warming to the attention of the public at large. But did we really need a VIP to tell us what can be read in the most basic books on climate change?

I have been studying Earth and Environmental Sciences for a few months now, and I happen to follow a course entitled 'Global Change' this month. We're mainly using John Horgan's Global Warming as a source, a serious and scientific textbook which extensively deepens of the subject discussed in An Inconvenient Truth. If there is one thing that this book has thought me, it's that global warming is real. The average global temperature is increasing, there is no doubt. Measured in periods of months and years, this rise seem to be quite slow. But in reality, it's going very fast.

I understand why the appropriate reaction did not take place. Many of us have not experienced any serious results of this climate change yet, and if we have, we tend to wonder if the event actually occurred as a consequence of climate change. And if the increased greenhouse effect is a reality in the first place - that is to say, if human activity is substantially contributing to the rise in global average temperature. However, trusting in climatologists, we can say with considerable certainty that we are indeed the cause of a large part of the change. Either that, or our little green neighbours from Mars are playing a trick on us. And rising temperatures are not even the problem; their consequences are.

"An increase in global temperatures can in turn cause other changes, including a rising sea level and changes in the amount and pattern of precipitation. These changes may increase the frequency and intensity of extreme weather events, such as floods, droughts, heat waves, hurricanes, and tornados. Other consequences include higher or lower agricultural yields, glacial retreat, reduced summer stream flows, species extinctions and increases in the ranges of disease vectors." - Wikipedia

Knowing this, governments still feel they should wait to see the actual extent of the damage. In the meanwhile, we're all sitting here like frogs in a pot of water, and something tells me we're about to be boiled. And I know climate change is not the most popular subject to discuss. It has become associated with environmentalists and doomsayers, it's not 'cool'. On the contrary, it's getting hotter and hotter. But at some point we have to face up to reality, the sooner the better. What do we have to loose? A lot.

Visit http://www.climatecrisis.net/ and http://www.stopglobalwarming.org/ to find out what you can do.

Jumping out of the crowd

2006-11-22T16:49:00.000+01:00

Taking the initiative does not seem to be one of human nature's finest qualities - not because we do it the wrong way, but because we don't do it. I have to admit that many fine accomplishments have been made by individuals who had the guts to take initiative. Some of them great, others small, but the initiators can always rest assure afterwards, knowing that they have at least stuck their necks out. That they have had the courage to do so.

The truth is, most people don't like taking the initiative. We are herd animals. We often wait for someone else to make the first move. This seems to contradict with our indomitable curiosity - of which I do not believe it is solely a characteristic of the few people who do not recoil from taking the initiative, on the contrary - but it seems unescapable to conclude that most of us are not very eager to stand out of the crowd. I explicitly use the word 'we', because I am referring to myself as well. I actually consider myself to be quite shy, although I sense I am able to find more courage year after year. To avoid misunderstandings about my perception of this particular subject, it might be useful to borrow an example from a journalist of my morning paper.

A middleaged lady went to see a play in the theatre. However, after some time, she began to experience serious discomfort (the exact details slipped my mind). According to the journalist, she knew it was here time to die. The lady decided not to bother anyone with her upcoming death and struggled to her feet, determined to die in the bathroom instead. But she collapsed in the aisle, right in front of the actors and many people in the audience. Despite the fact that many noticed her fall, it took a full minute before the actors stopped acting and people got up to see how the poor lady was doing.

The same phenomenon can be observed in experiments. In one case, a student was put into a room with three others to make a test. It was strictly forbidden to talk, of course. After a while, smoke began coming in from underneath the door. The three other students were in on the experiment, and pretended not to notice this alarming signal. It didn't take long before the subject's attention was attracted by the smoke, but it was astonishing to see his reaction. In disbelief, he looked at his fellow students who were concentrating on their tests, hoping that they would see the smoke coming in - so that he would not be forced to say anything himself. It might have taken him several minutes before he actually responded to the apparent threat.

Asking ourselves what we would do - and what we should do - in these and similar situations is very important, I reckon. Apparently it is very hard to think clearly in the heat of the moment. If you see someone being hit by a car, would you immediately come to her aid? What would you do if you saw a person being intimidated by several men? Even if you are not the only witness, especially if you are not the only withness, it might be difficult to intervene. Telling yourself that there would be no doubt in your mind, that you would do the right thing - taking the initiative - is very convenient, but is it the truth? Frankly, I am not at all sure that I would be courageous enough to make the first move in such a situation. But I know I should, and the more I am aware of that, the more persistent I will be in taking action. Ask yourself, what would you do?

True worth

2006-11-20T16:29:00.000+01:00

Humans have always been very interested in playing God; taking our fate into our own hands and creating our own world. Recently, Homo Sapiens has even succeeded in creating new and unique life through genetic modification. In time, we might end up changing our own genes. Another future goal could be to create artificial life - or has that goal been achieved already? It depends on what definition of 'life' one is willing to accept.

Life: the condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally. - Dictionary.com

If man creates a machine and/or program that corrensponds with this definition, should that life form have its own rights? I reckon this depends on the level of intelligence it possesses - after all, many of us think animals such as dogs and pigs (who are actually more intelligent than dogs) should have animal rights, but nobody ever demonstrates to enforce rights for insects or plants. And then there is the possibility that we create a creature which cannot be called alive, but nevertheless is intelligent. Or is the ability to experience emotion a requirement to claim robot rights?

The complicated issue of determining the worth of man-made 'machines' brings along numerous other questions as well. One may even wonder wether creating human-like artificial intelligence is ethical in the first place. Or an intelligent decision.

Into perspective

2006-11-19T13:47:00.000+01:00

The wise man is he who knows the relative value of things. - William Ralph Inge

Sometimes we tend to focus on one particular thing too much, while disregarding the rest. An unhealthy habit that should be avoided in most situations. The subject of your thoughts easily swells up like a giant balloon blocking your sight. And when you don't see things in perspective anymore, well, it has become very hard to judge their value. Some blow up theirselves, others their job or beliefs. This selective 'inflation' has been the cause of many bizarre utterances, in the style of "I cannot live without seafood" or "I cannot believe you have never tasted marinade oysters before, you don't know what you've been missing!" In these examples, notice how the words 'I cannot' indicate the speaker suffers from a considerable lack of imagination. A direct result of narrow-mindedness?

When discussing the possible meanings of life in What's it all about, philosopher Julian Baggini warns us not to make the mistake of thinking that our own personal interests are a necessity in giving any life meaning. For instance, we might expect Baggini to agree with Socrates' statement that "the unexamined life is not worth living." After all, it is his job to examine life. He must reckon it is exceedingly important to do so. Suprisingly, Baggini immediately rejects the idea that philosophy - thinking about your own life, its purpose and its meaning - is essential in having a meaningful life.

"(...) many do still claim that we need to engage in some form of philosophical reflection to make our lifes worthwhile. I am suspicious of such a response. It has the whiff of intellectual arrogance about it and perhaps betrays a lack of imagination. People tend to overestimate the importance of the things that interest them most - for example, the English National Opera, known as ENO, once ran an advertising campaign using a slogan based on its initials: Everone Needs Opera. (...) I am reminded of the character in Willy Russel's Educating Rita who exclaimed, 'wouldn't you just die without Mahler?' Well, no, actually, bu as an enthusiast she can't help but think of Mahler as being an indispensible part of a full life."

When putting things in perspective, we may realize that we are just one of the 6.5 billion people on this planet. Although you undoubtedly share many of your problems and passions with numerous others, you are still only one, and what concerns you might not be of universal importance. One could even reason that all earthly affairs fade away compared to the immensity of the universe. The Earth is just a tiny speck in space. When I was a young girl, I could look at the stars and feel that sensation press upon me - even without being able to encompass the extent of the cosmos, which will never fit inside our heads. While some find that feeling of insignificance comforting, others may not. Fortunately, it's just a matter of perspective. However small you are compared to the world, you are the result of 3.5 billion years of evolution. I estimate that 99,999% of all creatures that have ever lived does not have any descendants living today. Their bloodlines have died out, their genes have not been passed through. Yet none of your thousands of anchestors is part of that overwhelming majority. You descend from the ultimate victors of life. Of course, so does every other living creature on the globe. But that doesn't make you any less special, does it?

Bright

2006-11-18T13:12:00.000+01:00

I'm often in search of quality photographs on the internet, using them on this weblog or as wallpapers for my notebook. At this website I found just what I was looking for; a search engine which browses through wallpaper groups on Flickr. I was surprised by the high resolution and sparkling colours of the images it finds, which can be downloaded in several sizes (from tiny to absolutely huge). This tool really comes in handy. I've handpicked some examples.

Cities falling silent

2006-11-14T15:41:00.000+01:00

A few days ago, I saw a British film called Children of Men, which hypothesized how society would respond to the sudden and complete infertility of the human race. Everyone sees the end coming, and realizes that the streets will be empty within a century. A troubling portrait of a dying society. Our Last Century, a book by Martin Rees I bought last week, also deals with the idea of humanity coming to its end within a few decades.

There are many ways in which Homo Sapiens could go extinct. Some scenarios even involve the destruction of the entire planet. The amusing website Exit Mundi offers a broad collection of disasters that could end the world in a flash, including comets, quantum explosions and flipping magnetical fields. There are many interesting theories. But what really fascinates me isn't which catastrophe ends the existence of mankind, but rather what happens after the extinction - that is to say, what happens if humans just 'disappear' off the face of the Earth, without the entire ecosystem being destroyed in the process. Something like that might happen as a result of a pandemic, for instance. But let's keep it simple. Imagine that every human being simply ceases to exist; everyone gone in the blink of an eye. In many (natural) environments it will seem as if little has changed. Even in the countryside, you might not notice what has happened at first.

But imagine a city, only minutes ago a thriving metropolis, which is now abandoned by human life. Everything reminds of the former presence of people, but they are already beginning to lose their meaning. The city is not dead - plants are still growing, birds are still singing their song. Nevertheless, it seems to have fallen completely silent. A feeling of immense desolation would strike you if you were to walk through those empty streets and buildings. For a relatively short moment in time, perhaps a few thousand years, time would seem to be stuck in the past here. Until nature has fully claimed back the grounds, and life on earth continues as if we were never there.

These and many more pictures of abandoned man-made environments can be found at this Japanese website. Many other photographs of 'silent cities' can be found here.

To dream the impossible dream

2006-11-13T18:58:00.000+01:00

He who says we can do anything as long as we put our mind to it, is a liar. It’s just that simple. Regardless of what we might hope for, the bleak truth shows us we are limited in many ways. Our possibilities are not endless. Many paths are blocked off by the laws of logic, physics, present-day technology, intelligence, time, and so forth.

There are many things that I cannot achieve personally, such as winning in a match of chess against the best chess player in the world, or performing a backflip. Furthermore, there are innumerable tasks of which we can assume – with some certainty – that no human being can perform, at least not in this day and age. Flying to another star. Having practicable laser beams coming out of our eyes without developing serious medical complications. Things that only superman is able to do, for now. A third category is formed by the sheer impossibilities, which are never going to be possible, not for anyone or anything, ever. Actions that would conflict with everything we know about reality. Reason predicts that not even God would not be able to accomplish these things. God might exist, but he cannot be almighty, because he would not be able to build a wall so high that he could not jump over it. Or so the insolvable riddle goes. In other words, one cannot become all-powerful because that would automatically imply that one has lost the ability to fail. Thus, failing does more than pointing out our imperfections and incapacities (that is to say, the fact that we are ‘only’ human). Failure shows us we are bound to the laws of this universe. I fail, therefore I exist.

We cannot do anything we put our mind to. To many people that may sound awfully pessimistic. It’s not what you say to your children when they ask if they can be an astronaut when they grow up. Instead, you tell them that everything is possible, as long as they do their very best. Making children believe this particular lie can have a number of positive effects. It can encourage their hope, confidence, and persistence. It’s a little trick to protect them from disappointment. I can certainly come up with more reasons as why to tell your children they can achieve anything they want, as opposed to telling them Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny really exist. Whilst they are both lies, and whilst we both use them to trick small children. Perhaps we should rather look at the negative consequences these fables can bring about. When your kid finds out that Santa Claus is just a regular guy in a suit, not in the possesion of any magical flying reindeer, he might feel somewhat shocked or offended. When my niece found out, she was pretty upset actually. However, I do not consider it likely that she sustained any permanent mental trauma. And of course I’m not arguing that this will be the case when a child finds out that he cannot achieve everything he puts his mind to – but you’ll have to agree that this discovery may have a more substantial effect on some children’s psychology. Subconsciously, it might affect their personal assessment of accomplishments they make throughout their entire life. If you’ve been brought up believing that the sky is the limit, how are you going to cope with the numerous falls back to earth?

I believe that children - and adults alike – should be able to believe in their hopes and wishes. However much one appreciates rationality and being realistic, a part of us should always be allowed to dream the impossible dream. Some dreams come true, but even unfulfilled dreams have their purpose. The idea itself is often worth it, and gives us something to look forward to - even if we never expected the event to happen in the first place. Some say we have only truly become old when we do not dare to dream anymore, and I agree. It would be like giving up our future. Provided that we understand and accept the possibility that we might not see our wishes fulfilled, and thus protect ourselves against the disappointment, I reckon there is nothing wrong with a bit of daydreaming. After all, it’s not that hard to imagine.

Latest book buys

2006-11-10T17:04:00.000+01:00

All the way from God's paradisal orchids to doomsday and the heath of hell.

Global Warming: The Complete Briefing by John Houghton (€39/$50) Normally I would never have bought this book - or any book - for such a high price, but I need it for my course Global Change. And I have to admit, if you're interested in an objective and extensive explanation of global warming and its implications, this is the book to read.

A History of God, From Abraham to the Present by Karen Armstrong (€15/$19) I had considered buying this book on Amazon, but fortunately I stumbled across the Dutch version last weekend. Reasonably priced, since former nun Armstrong manages to fill 500 pages with her survey of the way in which God was seen in the course of 4000 years of Judaism, Christianity and Islam. Very interesting though, it's all new to me. Thank God it's in Dutch.

How To Build a Time Machine by Paul Davies (€2/$2,50) Today, I came across a bookstore giving major discounts, and I seized the opportunity of buying four ridiculously low-priced books (including this one, the following two, and a booklet for a friend in Michigan). How To Build a Time Machine is a cute little must-have booklet explaining the basics of time travel, if one can speak of basics in this field of 'science'.

Our Final Century: Will the Human Race Survive the Twenty-First Century? by Martin Rees (€2/$2,50) The title of astronomer Sir Rees' book says it all, really. Waiting for doomsday. I wonder why the cover (of the Dutch version) features rather paradisal orchids instead of damnation and destruction.

The Next Fifty Years: Science in the First Half of the Twenty-First Century collected by John Brockman (€2/$2,50) Agent Brockman has collected 25 of his writers to discuss the future of science in their respective fields of study. What can we expect from science, assuming we will at least survive the first half of 'doomsday century'? Cosmology, mathematics, medicine, genetics... 25 short essays cover every area of importance. Major plus point: Regarding the subject of this compilation, co-writer Richard Dawkins will probably have established a personal record by writing more than fifty words without emphasizing his contempt for religion. Although one can never be sure.

Bird!

2006-11-07T18:14:00.000+01:00

A friend of mine uttered some memorable words today. "I should really stop calling everything 'bird'!", she said. Ahum, yes, shouldn't we all... In honour of both senseless statements and sublime photography - as well as birds, of course - here are some great pictures from Route 2 J, all the way from India.

Waking up

2006-11-06T18:52:00.000+01:00

Here I am, talking about New York City. Again. I want to wake up in the city that never sleeps. Around eight o'clock in the morning, when the sun reveals the bright blue sky and throws its orange beams against the high-rise buildings. Breakfast on a bench in Central Park, cream-cheese bagels and a large cappucino. Josh Radin whispering in my ears. Sinatra will have to wait until afternoon, as does the Guggenheim. Call me a dreamer. I'll be sitting there in the future, one day. Again.

Where would you like to wake up tomorrow?

There I am

2006-11-05T13:08:00.000+01:00

Everybody does things they will regret later. Now and then, our behaviour gets out of control. You might not make a monumental mistake every time, but afterwards you realize it just did not seem to be your behaviour at all. You lost track of yourself. Trying to become the person you want to be doesn't necessarily have to mean you are trying to become someone else. On the contrary, if you're going about it the right way, you should end up more like yourself. It's really not yourself you're changing, but rather the way you express yourself. However, I think we should all keep in mind that it is impossible to actually reach that noble goal. We will always loose ourselves, time after time. We will always display behaviour that doesn't correlate with our true character. There will always be 'flaws' in the way we express ourselves. The second biggest mistake you can make is to give up in trying to eliminate these flaws. The biggest mistake would be to fail in accepting them.

Against a dark sky

2006-11-01T19:39:00.000+01:00

Let no one who loves be unhappy, even love unreturned has its rainbow. - James E. Barrie

Today, as I was walking out of 'my' metro station in Amsterdam, I was raining while I could barely feel the raindrops falling on my skin. The sky displayed its darkest shades of grey, and yet the sun was shining on my face. Weather for a rainbow, I thought, and as I was walking down the street I turned around. A brightly-coloured arch appeared from behind the oddly shaped headquarters of the ING bank. Upon looking again, it was gone. I realized I had smiled when noticing the rainbow. Looking out the window of the metro train, I had also smiled at the reflection of the morning sun against graffiti-filled walls. And I smiled at the wind that tried to pull me off my bike this afternoon. I just couldn't help but smile at the wind as one would smile at a dear friend who's teasing. Yesterday, grey skies made me sad. Today, I choose them to make me deeply contented.

Meaning

2006-10-28T19:57:00.000+02:00

For millions this life is a sad vale of tears
Sitting round with really nothing to say
While scientists say we're just simply spiralling coils
Of self-replicating DNA
- Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life

What's it all about? I have just begun reading this book by Julian Baggini, in which he explores the many possible answers to the question in the title. A large question mark is printed on the cover of the book. I have to admit I've only finished one chapter so far. In Looking for the blueprint, Baggini discusses the possibility of a meaning of life given to us by God. He wonders why we often assume that a meaning given by a divine creature, is somehow worth more than the meaning we can give to our lifes ourselves. Baggini considers the history of the Post-it notes. The repositionable adhesive that the notes use was discovered in 1963, but nobody had any idea what possible use this glue could have. Six years later, someone hit upon the idea of lightly adhesive bookmarks, an idea eventually resulting in Post-its.

"The Post-it note may seem like a trivial example, but it illustrates neatly the point that, when it comes to use or purpose, what matters is not necessarily what the inventor had in mind, but the uses or purposes the inovation actually is."

"What's it all about?" is one of those pocket-sized books to take with you on your way to work or school, reading a little everyday, and taking the time to reflect on the matter. Another book to recommend!

To the core

2006-10-27T15:55:00.000+02:00

I have noticed it is hard to get to know me well. I am only truly myself when I am alone. Whenever other people are around, I change - anyone's presence will turn me into a slightly different person. She doesn't just act and talk differently - she also thinks in a different way than I do. The change of behavior around different people is quite universal, I assume. A way to optimalize communication - people will subconsiously imitate anyone they're talking to. But to what extent do we lose ourselves amongst others? If we strip away all imitations and assessments of the way we are seen by everone around us, what will be left of us? I am convinced we do all have a unique identity and character, a foundation beneath our 'everyday' shifting personality. On the other hand, I do not know where this 'core of being' came from, how it was created, what its exact characteristics and boundaries are. Is there really any possibility that my identity cannot be traced back to other people?

Perhaps I could say I - meaning, my mental self - have created myself in a process of filtering out influences from the outside world. The outcome of this continuous process in any person will determine his thoughts, opinions, and behavior; his character, the expression of who he 'is'. Genetics might play a part in either someone's identity, the extent to which one is able to express that identity, or the way in which information is filtered. After all, we do have something to begin with, a base from which to build. And arising from this concept, it could be that I feel I am 'myself' most at times on which the 'core of my being' - the mosaic of influences I have collected from birth - is well-balanced. When new influences start to come in; certain parts begin to dominate in order to provide the right response. That would imply I am in fact doing no such thing as losing myself amongst other people. Although I still don't like being thrown off balance.

Sweet scents

2006-10-21T17:40:00.000+02:00

Who wouldn't want to buy a perfume that evokes the universal scent of happiness? Researchers hope to develop that perfume by investigating the brainwaves of volunteers, to discover the exact characteristics of the fragrance that makes everyone feel good. Sensory scientists have assumed for years that our reactions to smell were only dependent on our cultural background, but brain scans now indicate that our responses to some smells are innate. Could it really be developed, a perfume of universal joy? Maybe we should rather try to capture the scents of our beloved ones, and find a way to reproduce those sweet fragrances. This would provide a way to be taken back to the events of our distant memories, just for a brief moment every now and then, even after the people we hold dear are gone. We could catch the very fragrances that personally bring about strong associations with happiness and love - grandmother's apple pie, oranges, a particular aftershave mixed with the scent of sigarettes. That last one makes me loose my mind every time I smell it - or rather, it makes me loose my heart.

Sparkling

2006-10-18T19:13:00.000+02:00

Even though my vote is like a single grain of sand on the beach, it’s my grain and it sparkles.- Lynn Sislo

If I would have choose between Republicans and Democrats, I would vote Democratic. Easy. Not because that's the only right choice, but because left-wing viewpoints match my personal ideas best. Anyway, in the Netherlands, things are a little different. Politics are not so much a battle between two heavyweights, there are a lot of political parties that can really make a difference. I reckon that is a good thing, because voters have a better chance of finding a party that really matches their viewpoints. On the other hand, I found it can be very hard to actually find the party that appeals most to me. The upcoming elections for the Tweede Kamer - the main chamber of parliament in the Netherlands - are going to be my first chance of casting my vote as a citizen of the Netherlands, and I reckon it is important to make a considered decision. However, I am still doubting between three different left-wing parties. The issues on which they have different standpoints are the very same issues on which I don't have a strong opinion. Not because I refrain from thinking about these issues seriously, but rather because I don't feel I have enough information about them to make a decision of any significance. Who am I to judge? Frankly, I reckon that's perfectly alright. Not choosing between two choices can be a choice as well. But next month I do have to make a choice. I wonder if my vote will sparkle.

Mistakes of reason

2006-10-14T19:48:00.000+02:00

Objectivity is the perfect reflection of reality, an ivory tower that we can never reach, standing forever at the far horizon of our world. We know it's there, but we cannot see it clearly; its image is always enveloped in mist. The fact that it is unlike anything man has ever visited before makes it hard to estimate the distance between ourselves and this mythical beacon. Sometimes objectivity can appear close while being far away. We do not notice it, but this actually happens all the time. Massimo Piatelli-Palmarini is a distinguished cognitive researcher who wrote a captivating book on this subject - not in the misty way I am describing it, but in the language of exact science. In Inevitable Illusions Piatelli-Palmarini explains how we fool ourselves time and again. And we rarely ever notice how absurdly wrong our conclusions really are; everything seems to make perfect sense. The book gives numerous examples showing what goes wrong in our minds, and although I must admit that at first, I thought this was simply an easy way to fill the two-hundred pages, it turns out these examples are essential in understanding the matter. Assessing the implications of our mistakes of reason would be impossible for anyone who hasn't studied cognitive science.

Imagine you were to take a clinical test for an illness affecting 1 percent of the population in the same age group as yourself. The test is 79 percent reliable. That is, 21 percent of all positive outcomes is false. In your case, the test comes back positive. Knowing this, what is the probability that you actually have the illness (not taking into account any symptoms or signs)? Think about it.

The majority of people who were asked this question answered with some confidence that the probability of having the illness is equal to the reliability of the test, 79 percent. This would certainly have been my answer as well. But the statistically correct answer is 8 percent! Our intuition miserably fails in this case, and many others. If you'd like to know more, I warmly recommend reading Inevitable Illusions. You might not be able to avoid making mistakes of reason after reading this book, but at least you will have a better insight in the error margin of your intuition.

Up to me

2006-10-13T18:13:00.000+02:00

If I would make a list of all the things I want to do before I die, it would certainly be very long. And somewhere in that list you'll find "eating a bagel in New York". Probably listed right after "going to New York". Bagels are sold in the Netherlands as well, of course, but it doesn't quite feel like the real thing. I don't know if the taste of a Dutch bagel is very different from a New York bagel - I have to admit I have never bought a bagel here either - but they've probably spoiled it by adding egg and making it a 'normal' bun. But I do love making bagels myself. It's unlike baking anything else. Making bagels is almost meditation, requiring patience, attention, and an unknown secret ingredient that makes it so lovely to do. My bagels aren't the real thing either, but they are made with love. Maybe that's what makes them taste so good, especially with some cream cheese, onion, and chives.

In truth, part 2

2006-10-12T18:15:00.000+02:00

Truth is a very relative notion in our subjective conception of the world. But we do have a more or less collective truth, of course. Very few people will question me if I say I am wearing a grey sweater today, once they have seen me. But some issues are easily interpreted in different ways by different people. And unfortunately, these issues are often of more importance than the color of a sweater. I will not be offended by anyone calling my sweater green as opposed to grey, but I will be offended if someone calls me rude in a situation where I consider myself friendly. It's easier and of less significance to agree on the color of a sweater. I have discussed the naming of a particular color before, but the discussion was light-hearted and would never have resulted in an argument.

Should we always be as honest as possible? I reckon we shouldn't. I feel it's worse to hurt somebody over something of little importance, than to keep my actual opinion from them. I've used this quote before, but I reckon my opinion doesn’t hold much water outside of My Universe. Why bother? On the other hand, even hurtful truths have their advantages. Take Cedrick, for instance. Cedrick doesn't come across as a friendly guy at first. This has an obvious reason; he always says exactly what he thinks. Ask a random person for a honest opinion on something you have made or done. They will probably wrap their criticism in friendly advice, trying to make it 'constructive' and easy for you to deal with. Ask Cedrick, and he will tell you the truth - that you've done it wrong. All wrong. And that kind of criticism is much harder to handle. But if Cedrick says you're doing alright, if he says your work looks good? Then he makes your day.

In truth, part 1

2006-10-11T15:18:00.000+02:00

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. - Mark Twain

The truth has the unmistakable ability to hurt. Not because there is anything wrong with the truth itself, but because the lies - that so often replace it - tend to be more pleasant to hear. And we have all gotten used to those sweet little lies. Should we always speak the truth? Is everything other than the truth to be called a lie? I think many will agree with me that it's not that simple. Between the unconquerable tower of absolute truth - a perfect reflection of reality - and the low pits of twisted lies, we find the plains of politeness, old wives' tales, and small lies that are supposedly used only to protect one's feelings. These common alterations of the truth can hardly be called lies. They might or might not be harmful or depraved, but can certainly not be condemned that easily.

Nobody can always be truthful, because nobody knows the truth. As I have mentioned before, it seems to me that we are forced to fix our entire worldview onto crooked foundations. We cannot even be sure that the most constitutive facts match reality for one-hundred percent. The Matrix-concept illustrates this idea perfectly; how can we be sure we can trust our senses? How can we be sure that we even control our thoughts? These ideas might seem very far-fetched, but if you dismiss them as nonsense you're missing the point. I'm not saying I think we are all living in a virtual world constructed of lies, or that we are likely to be deceived in such a way. Frankly, I am of the opinion that the chance of this idea resembling the truth even slightly, is extremely small. Small, but existant. None of us is able to completely exclude the possibility of something so improbable to be true anyway - against all odds. We just can't be sure. This goes for every accepted fact and every insane conspiracy theory - we can only evaluate the likelihood of something being true. It's mind-stretching, indeed, but it's also a very important thing to realize.

Sound

2006-10-08T11:29:00.000+02:00

After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music. - Aldous Huxley

What is it about music? I'm not talking about an average broadcast of any given radiostation. What makes your favorite music better than just good music? Why do I associate Josh Radin's music with taking the metro at a rainy day? Why haven't I been able to listen to Our Lady Peace for years, being shocked by the singer's voice too much? What is it about Frank Sinatra that makes my heart a dancer? Why does Evermore's It's Too Late take me back to events I would have forgotten otherwise? Some music seems to be able to reach out and grasp hearts.

I cannot explain why. There are more or less logical explanations for even the most intense sensations. Falling in love feels all but rational, but why it should feel like that can be founded in a scientific way. The same goes for being influenced by other people and events. But there is something different about music, something inexpressible. It can make you feel buoyant or wistful, courageous or timid. It can take you places. Music shows that not everything is logical. It's way beyond reason.

Bye!

2006-09-28T18:29:00.000+02:00

Tomorrow morning I will be heading for Belgium, on an excursion that will take until next Friday. Hard work, no internet connection. But you can expect my next post in about a week. In the mean time, you are - of course - welcome to read some of my older posts which you can find in the archives. My posts rarely have anything to do with current affairs, so I guess you could say the posts are timeless. See you next week!

The unnoticed lack of euphoria

2006-09-27T18:26:00.000+02:00

Sometimes it is just so hard to get out of bed in the morning - even when I have slept for eight or even nine hours. The cause of this well-known phenomenon seems to be tiredness, but on reflection, the real cause turns out to be a lack of motivation. That bothers me; considering the reality of my life I should be burning with enthousiasm. I should be waking up with the glorious feeling of not having a secondary braintumour in an advanced stage. My last thought before falling to sleep in the evening should be drenched in gratitude, for not being run over by a truck. But these are not my thoughts. The truth is, one becomes used to prosperity. Mankind does not strive for happiness. The only purposes of life, for us animals, are survival and reproduction. And the daily struggle for survival brings nothing but stress. It's hard to be happy 24/7.

I don't know the full worth of what I have got until I've lost it. And if something does happen, I will probably blame myself for not having realized how lucky I really was. But not realizing - that's what I'll really miss.