Monday, December 17

When you're out of sight

Under this national rain cloud
I'm getting soaked to the skin
Trying to find my umbrella
But I don't know where to begin

And it's simply irrational weather
Can't even hear myself think
Constantly bailing out water
But still feel like I'm gonna sink

'Cause I'm under the weather
Just like the world
And I need somebody to hold
When I turn out the light
You're out of sight
Although I know that I'm not alone
Feels like home

- "Under the Weather", KT Tunstall

This song reminds me of those days that are tough without a reason. Days during which I feel a little sad, a bit insecure, somewhat 'under the weather' - emotionally speaking. I take it we all have days like that. Personally I've noticed this feeling is often accompanied by a rather desperate need of acknowledgement and attention. I know there are plenty of people who are there for me, but I'd just like a little proof - right at that very moment.

But when I'm feeling down it's hard to chase off the sense of loneliness. Nobody starts a conversation with me. I look at my phone but I can't make it ring. People's replies seem short-spoken somehow. Are they starting to dislike me? Have they noticed how I need their kindness and care, how pathetic I really am? I can't help but to think it.

"Hey, d'you still like me a bit?"

Of course the last thing you should do is beg for it. But an itch demands a scratch. "Why wouldn't I?", he asks. As casually as possible I reply I'm just checking. The concise judgement; "Well, I still like you."

Right. Let me explain, men and other rational creatures, what the secret message behind the phrase "Just checking" is in this particular situation. It means, I need you to tell me that you miss me, that you wish I was in love with you, that I'm important to you, that you want to cuddle me, and that I have no reason whatsoever to doubt that you will always be there for me. Something heartwarming. It has all been said before, but I need to hear it now.

Friends, suitors, drinking buddy with your flattering text messages in the middle of your drunken night... will you be merciful and give me a kind word today?